Stripper

Chapter 6

The next few weeks were difficult. Cas woke Dean every night with nightmares, screaming and clawing at anything near him. More than once Dean had to hold him down and scream his name till he was nearly hoarse in order to get Cas to wake and come back to him. The light was still gone from those blue eyes and Dean couldn't bring himself to look at them when Castiel turned his, more often than not, tear streaked face to look at him from where he was lying on the couch or the bed, wasting away.

During the first few days following the incident Castiel was the worst. There were numerous times when he would wander around the apartment in a sort of daze, occasionally bumping into things and looking confused as to why he had. Once Dean came back from the restroom to find Castiel staring at his hand, which was dripping blood from where he'd cut it on one of the knifes in Dean's cutlery drawer.

Pain or any other stimulus didn't seem to affect Castiel at all. He was numb to the soft touches that Dean tried to give him and he didn't move or say anything every time Dean changed the bandages on his wrists or thighs. At least Castiel was healing quickly, physically that was.

The lack of enthusiasm for practically everything was what worried Dean the most. Castiel seemed to have lost all interest in life. It was almost as if he were a walking corpse and it made Dean hurt every time Castiel would turn those dead eyes in his direction. He hadn't talked since asking Dean to stay with him that one night, and Dean desperately wanted to hear his voice again, to have Cas back and not what he'd been reduced to because of some fucking bastard in a back alley.

Dean tried not to leave his apartment, but he desperately needed to go on a grocery run or he and Castiel wouldn't have any food, not that Cas was eating much. He mostly nibbled on crackers and sipped at the soup Dean fixed him.

Castiel was seated on the couch when Dean said softly, "Cas?" Castiel turned those lifeless eyes onto him and Dean said, "I need to run to the store. I'll only be an hour. Are you gonna be okay?"

He bit his lip as he waited for Castiel to reply. He needed to get food, but he didn't want to leave Cas alone in case something happened and he couldn't take him with him. All those people and noises might cause him to have another panic attack. Sam and Jess were on vacation and there wasn't anyone else that Dean could call.

"Cas?" Dean asked, putting a hand on Castiel's shoulder, which jutted out of his thinning frame.

Castiel's mouth opened and he made a sort of squeaking noise. Dean kneeled in front of him, rubbing circles on his knees as he waited patiently to see if Cas was going to talk. Castiel's jaw worked a few times and a scratchy sound came from him and then Dean was breathing a sigh of relief as Cas said in a tiny voice, "I'll be fine."

Dean moved so that he could gather Castiel in a tight hug. He could feel how thin Castiel was getting, even through the baggy sweater he was wearing. Castiel made a snuffling noise against Dean's hair and Dean asked, "Do you want me to get you anything special?"

"No," Castiel rasped, his voice scratchy and so quiet that Dean almost couldn't hear him.

"Okay. Do you wanna watch tv or something while I'm gone?"

"No," Castiel said again.

He reached out with thin fingers to Dean, grasping the air and Dean leaned closer. He was surprised when Cas grabbed him by the collar of his jacket and pulled him in for a forceful kiss. It was deprived and sloppy, hell Castiel was practically licking Dean's face like a dog, but Dean let him. Castiel's hands scrabbled at Dean's chest, his hair, his arms, trying to find a place to rest. Dean stilled them by taking Castiel by the wrists and placing his hands so that his palms were cupping Dean's cheeks.