Who ? {English Version}

✵s i x✵

The next morning I got woken up by my phone's alarm. When waking up, I remembered  what happened yesterday. To make sure that I didn't dreamed all these stuff I took my phone and went to my conversation with Liam. "Fuck." So I didn't dreamed, it was real. I talked with him last night.

I got out of my bed with a smile on my face. It's 9:08am, I have a little less than an hour left to showered and have a breakfast before having my group therapy.

I was in front of the building in which the group therapy takes place, I parked, got out of my car, locked it then made my way towards the entrance to finally arrive in the room.

During my first session, I didn't want to talk and still, I don't feel like talking about Liam in public plus to strangers.

I entered the room, sat directly on one of the chairs making a circle while waiting for the beginning of the session.

It just started. The woman managing the session asked who wanted to talk, obviously I did not answer. The guy sitting next to me raised his hand. I learned that his name us Louis and he lost his boyfriend too, his name was Harry and he died of a cancer three months ago. Hearing him talking about his partner, I instantly recognized myself in his words. Tears quickly brought up to my eyes. I tried to hide my sobs but apparently it was not working because everybody was looking at me. I felt extremely bad. I felt a hand slip in mine, I looked up to realize it belonged to this Louis. By his move I did not saw anything inappropriate, it was just like a support so I tried to smile at him which I think looked more like a grimace. He smiled at me too then continue his story.

The session just ended but I didn't get up and neither did Louis. He was still holding my hand. "You can leave if you want." I said to him . "No I'd rather wait for you to decide to leave this way we'll go out for coffee, is it okay with you?" He asked me. "Why not." "I'm Louis." he said. "I know and I'm Zayn." I answered him finally looking him in the eyes. "Nice to meet you then Zayn." He responded while smiling fondly at me.

I finally decided to get up to leave the room. Louis was still following me but I dropped his hand when I got up because I didn't see myself leaving with his hand in mine. "I know a good little café not too far from here this way we come back and get our cars back." He said, breaking le silent. "No problem, I'm following you."

The café in which we are is pretty vintage and not many people are here, so we're quite peaceful and, something I really need lately.

He ordered a tea and I ordered hot chocolate with cinnamon that quite weird because he said that he wanted us to take a coffee but at the end both of us took anything but a coffee

Things are silent between us after we ordered our drinks. But he decided to talk. "What was his name ?" He caught me off guard with his question. "Excuse me ?" I said, not know about who he was talking. "Your boyfriend." Why am I so dumb, it was obvious! "Oh yes sorry um hi-his name was Liam." I said, stuttering. "What happened to him ?" "We got in a car accident." I answered, feeling a ache in my heart just talking about it. I should have die with him. I do not deserve to be alive whereas he's not here anymore. I hate myself so much. "W-we ? I mean you were with him, both of you got this accident" "Yeah, I was in the car too and I almost didn't get anything. Just two broken ribs and some scratches." I said, my ton full of bitterness. I'm so angry at myself.

Another silence between us but this time this silence was quite awkward.

"You know Zayn, it's not your fault if Liam is dead and you don't have to feel guilty either due to you still being alive. I'm pretty sure that wherever he's right now, he's so glad to know that you are okay. You have to stop blaming yourself for something you're not even responsible for." "I know but it's easier said than done." I said with a low voice. "I understand, I've been through this too." He said, giving me a compassionate smile. "Tell me more about you and Harry ? Except if you don't want to." "No it's okay Zayn, I'm gonna tell you about it. Harry and I met when we were three years old because our parents were friends. But when he was ten he moved and I didn't see him anymore. One time when going to a party organized by my best friend, he wanted to introduce me to someone." He told me with a bright smile on his face as if he was living again what he was saying to me. "And this someone was Harry." I said with a little smile. "Exactly, after this party, we didn't left each other's side anymore. Then one day he confessed that he loved me, lucky for him I loved him too so we got together. Two years later we signed a civil partnership contract but one year later doctors diagnosed him with lungs cancer."

I saw a few tears roll down his face but he quickly wipes them away. He looks up to me with sad eyes. "He tried to break up with me like so I wouldn't be hurt by his death but I didn't let go. He stayed so strong whereas I spent my days crying in his arms. I would've given him up for nothing in the world because he was my world. Then he left on October 7, I stayed till his last breath." He finished with a shaky and broken voice. "I'm sorry about it." I said with my eyes full of tears. His  story moved me but he moved me so much more. The person that he is. I'm asking myself if I would be able to be as strong as he is. "And I'm sorry you that lost Liam."

I sadly smile at him.

"Your turn right now, tell me your story." "Um Liam and I met each other by a friend we had in common. The day we met I instantly felt like I've always known him. I think I can say it was love at first sight to me and for Liam too. After we first met, we started seeing each other more often but without our other friends. Then he asked me out on an "official" date that I obviously agreed to. After the fourth date he confessed that he had feelings for me, I kissed him which I think showed that I had too. We got together. We had been together for a little bit more than 4 years. Then last November 21st when going to the restaurant so I could ask him to marry me, we got in a car accident and I lost him" I finished my story with tears streaming slowly  down my face. I missed my Liam so much. My life will never never be the same without him. I just can't imagine myself without him being with me. "When you talk about him, we can feel that you love and that you miss him."

After we finished our drinks, we got up and left the café. It was almost noon. We headed to the parking where we left our cars. Louis asked for my phone, I got it out of my pocket and I handed it to him after unlocking it. A minute later he handed it back to me. "Now you got my number." He said with a little cute laugh. "Ok, I'll send you a text when I got home." "No problem."

I entered my car and Louis did the same. I started the car and drove towards my home.

When I arrived to -our- my house I rushed into our bedroom because I was not really hungry. I sent a text to Louis so he'll have my number. Then one to Liam.

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What's up my people,
so I'm Lee-Ann but you can call me Leigh. I'm a french girl so I'm sorry if I made some mistakes. Hope this chapter was good enough for you. I stg that this chapter made me cry the crap out of me. I hate myself for that, it's making me so emotional. plus I wrote this chapter while listening to song like Golden (zayn's song).
I really want to know how you feel but above all what this chapter made you feel so be free to comment as much as want. Anyway,you can message me if you want to. I'm kind of social.

Leigh.❣