Chapter one
The Air Begins To Feel A Little Thin
It’s day 30 of the tour, and Tyler isn’t doing so well. He’s only gotten a few hours of sleep over the past few days, he has no idea what city he's in or what day it is. Something’s on his mind.
Today they have an interview and he’s sitting on the bed while Josh takes a shower in the hotel room they’re sharing. His hands shake as he scrolls through his twitter feed. Jenna posted a picture of the both of them smiling together, happily at the zoo with the caption “really missing my boy right now. Can’t wait for him to come home.”
He sighed heavily, and his head snapped up abruptly when Josh stepped out of the bathroom, towel hanging low on his hips as he tiredly smiled and combed his fingers through his hair. Tyler tried not to let his eyes linger on him, but he couldn’t help it. Josh’s figure was sculpted so perfectly, and his smile was so pretty and his hair, oh my god, don’t even get Tyler started on his brightly colored hair.
He loved everything about Josh. His voice, his laugh, his personality. He was so lucky to be his best friend.
“You okay, ty?” Josh asked, rummaging through his suitcase looking for a shirt. “Mhm, yeah I’m alright.” Tyler replied blankly. “Dude I know you’re straight up lying right now. What’s really wrong?” “I swear-I’m good. Promise.” Josh knew he wasn’t telling the truth but he let it go. He got dressed and put his arms out silently, waiting for Tyler to accept his embrace. Tyler shuffled slowly up to him and buried his face into his neck, smelling Josh’s cologne. “You know I love you, right? And you can talk to me any time something’s bothering you.” Tyler muffled out a “mhm”. Josh pulled away from him, held onto his shoulders, and kissed him on his forehead. Tyler loved it when Josh did that.
The interview was a disaster. Tyler kept zoning out, and when he did answer questions, he kept them short, and not so sweet. He had no emotion and slumped over in his chair the whole time. Josh picked up on what was going on, and talked more than usual and rubbed Tyler’s back reassuringly every so often. After the interviewer thanked them for coming, Tyler rushed away to the nearest bathroom and slammed the door behind him. Josh followed behind, tripping over his own feet as he tried to keep up with him. Josh opened the door and noticed the bathroom was full of stalls. He heard some muffled cries and stood there for a moment, closing his eyes and trying to figure out if he should try to coax Tyler out or not. He approached the very last stall in the back of the bathroom, bent down, and saw Tyler’s little black shoes tapping anxiously.
Josh quietly rapped at the door and the crying stopped. “Tyler? What’s going on? Can you please talk to me?” He got no reply. He knew that Tyler was shutting down, and he knew that there was nothing he could do about it unless he got him out of the stall. After a few more minutes of coaxing, he finally got him out. Tyler slowly creaked the door open, and Josh teared up when he saw him step out. Eyes red, body shaking, and there were red marks left on his forehead and cheeks where he had been angrily scratching himself. He hated it when Tyler did that.
They both stood there silently for a moment, just staring at each other. “Tyler, I really need you to open up to me and talk about whatever’s going on right now. I feel like I never know what’s going on inside your head and it’s so hard for me, ty. I feel like I’m useless and I can’t help you-” Tyler walked closer to Josh, and just stared at him. “Why are you staring at me?” Josh asked, becoming frazzled and emotional. “I need to tell you something. I-I love you.” Tyler said. “I love you too Tyler, you know that.” “N-no, I mean like, I really love you. I just want to be able to hold your hand and kiss you; oh god, I always think about kissing you, and just being with you. But I know I never can because I already have Jenna and I know you won’t feel the same way as I do and-” Josh’s eyes widened and tears began to slip down his face. Tyler was crying. Then they were both crying, hugging, shaking. “Tyler. I love you. I want to be with you. Do you know how hard it was for me to watch you and Jenna get married? Through all of the years that I’ve known you I’ve always liked you. Loved you. From the first day we met. I just felt helpless because I thought you’d never feel the same. Jesus, I just; I’ve wanted you for so long.” Tyler smiled, and held Josh’s face in his hands, gently brushing his thumb against his jaw. “Josh, can I uh, kiss you maybe? Oh what am I doing, this is such a bad idea. I’m sorry.” Tyler began to panic and backed away slowly. Josh smiled so big that Tyler felt like his heart was about to explode. Josh grabbed Tyler and pressed his lips to his own, a sweet and melancholy kiss.
It then became hungry and desperate, grabbing each other and pulling one another closer even though there was no more empty space to fill. Josh was an even better kisser than Tyler imagined. He moaned quietly and Josh literally thought he was gonna lose it right then and there. Then they were suddenly interrupted by the sound of someone opening the door. Tyler gasped as Josh quickly stuffed the both of them into a stall, Josh climbing up onto the toilet and Tyler sitting on his lap. They sat quietly for a minute or two until the man left, and then Tyler began giggling hysterically, causing josh to laugh as well. “We j-just did that. We just kissed in a bathroom and I told you that i loved you and oh my goodness” Josh finally caught his breath, and before they left the bathroom Josh kissed him quickly once more. “Wait. What about Jenna? What are we going to become?” Tyler sighed and rubbed his eyes. “I-I don’t know, we might just have to sneak around for a while. I’m not ready to leave her, I don’t want to hurt her like that, you know? I don’t know what I’m gonna do. I shouldn't have waited this long to tell you how I really felt, this is just going to screw everything up, jesus christ.” Josh’s smile slightly faded as he listened to Tyler panic and reality finally settled in. He nodded. “Yeah, I get it. As long as you're in my life I'm happy. We'll get everything sorted out. Soon. I love you.” Tyler smiled. “I love you too, Josh. Now let’s get going. We’ve got a show to play tonight.”
