A/N: im here sobbing, grab tissues its a sad one.
"hey," tyler said softly, shoes squeaking as he entered the too-white room. josh gave a weak smile.
"salutations."
tyler held a crumpled bag to his chest, moving forward and sitting in the chair by josh's bed. "i brought you some movies. you might like them, right? and books. oh, and chalupa."
"tyler," josh said after a moment, "i can't keep a soda down, let alone chalupa."
tyler paused, lowering his eyes. "oh."
"but thanks," josh muttered. he smiled. "means a lot."
tyler sat the bag down on the floor. hesitantly, he ran his hand through josh's yellow curls. several strands fell out.
"we gotta think about what color to dye your hair after this," tyler smiled. "blue? red? hmm, maybe green."
"tyler."
"yes?"
"that won't happen."
"i know josh. i know."
[call my aunt marie]
what had happened to his ray of sunshine?
no longer did tyler's head rest on a solid chest, now feeling the condensed ribs and hollow insides of a weakened josh.
"remember that time when we, when we kissed? and then we pretended it didn't happen?" tyler mumbled, voice cracking from lack of use.
"yeah."
"i don't wanna pretend it didn't happen," tyler quietly mentioned. "i still feel that way."
josh swallowed any affection he had for tyler. "i'm sorry, i just don't feel the same way."
he sobbed when tyler left.
[call my aunt marie]
it was three days before tyler was back, holding another bag of goodies.he babbled on about future plans with josh, plans they both knew he wouldn't attend.
"tyler," josh interrupted, "when i die, you'll bury me in my favorite colors right?"
tyler stilled. "what?"
"we can't just pretend we'll be hanging out in the future. i'm going to die so, s-so please just let my body rest in colors I like, okay?" josh croaked.
tyler's hand fell on josh's. "okay."
[call my aunt marie]
the first time they kissed was in josh's room, tyler's tan cheeks flushed from a tickling they both inflicted. heatedly, he pressed up and his birdsong written lips collided into josh's watermelon ones, licking and teasing and prodding. after a moment, they pulled away, and tyler flipped over and swung off the bed, commenting that he was tired and needed to be home.
the second time josh was in a hospital bed, pale linens clinging to him as tyler pulled up against him. his lips brushed josh's chapped ones, and the salt of his tears fell into their connection. josh flew his hands up and pressed them against tyler's chest, drawing them away.
"i will not kiss you, i will not kiss you, i will not kiss you," he numbly chanted, more to himself than to tyler.
"why?" tyler begged, smearing a tear across his puffy eye. "why?"
"'cause i can't just leave you like this," josh breathed, and they reached a whole new level of grief as tyler fell onto josh's skeletal frame and weeped.
[call my aunt marie]
josh cried as tyler aimed the razor at his scalp, whirring the machine and watching what little hair was left fall off in clumps.
"no, please," tyler cooed, hugging his back.
"turn away," josh pleaded. "don't look at me."
tyler obeyed, fisting the lockets of hair into a bag. he heard josh squeak out a cry, whispering, "am i even living?"
tyler wished he could answer.
[call my aunt marie]
"i will not kiss you."
and he didn't, even as his bony fingers pulled off tyler's top.
"i will not kiss you."
and he still didn't, even when tyler rubbed their cheeks together.
"i will not kiss you."
and he continued to keep his promise, even as tyler and him melted into a tragic pool of tangled limbs.
"i will not kiss you," he murmured after, feeling tyler clean them up.
"but i will kiss you." and tyler gave a chaste peck to josh's pale lips that broke his heart.
[call my aunt marie]
"the hardest part of this is leaving you," josh whispered into tyler's hair, knowing he was asleep and couldn't hear.
[call my aunt marie]
"god, i beg of you, save the one person i need."
his prayers were not answered.
[call my aunt marie]
he got josh buried in his favorite colors, watched him be surrounded by bouquets of roses and daffodils and blue bonnets.
his siblings cried openly and his aunt sobbed theatricly. tyler had used up all his tears with josh. he waited until the people had cleared before he approached josh's pale body.
"will you kiss me now?" he asked, voice snapping. he knew it was silly, even as the tears started to flood his eyes that he would ask such a question. still he hoped with a beating heart that josh would rise and meet his lips.
he didn't.
so tyler ran his thumb across his cool forehead, before numbly walking away. he shoved his hands in his pockets and felt something nudge his fingers. he pulled out the object, eyes scanning it.
it was a reciept to josh's yellow hair dye.
tyler let out a bitter laugh and ran his tongue along his teeth. the same day josh was stained the color of the sun was the same day he hit his head, the same day they rushed him to the doctor, the same day scans were done and they noted that a bump to the head was minor compared to a tumor.
tyler crumpled the reciept and threw it on the ground vengefully, stomping off.
what he failed to had seen was josh's neat handwriting on the back, the note he had written after this all occured, the note he slipped into the suit pocket tyler showed him he was wearing to the future funeral.
you're saying goodbye, so i'm asking you to stay true.
because, tyler, the hardest part of all this is leaving you.
i'm sorry,
josh
