The Quiet Kids

Prologue 1 (Em)

This is wrong. This is so wrong, it's unreal.

I never thought I would be in this situation. This is something that happens in movies, on those Dateline Mysteries. This isn't happening to me. He'll stop and take me home any minute now like he always does.

"No!" I try to scream, but it comes out as a bunch of whispers.

"Shh, Emmy," Jared's glassy eyes meet mine, and I want to run away.

"Jared, I want to go home," I try to be forceful, but I can't budge him or loosen his sweaty grip on my wrist as he leads me to a bedroom in the back of the house.

The room is grimy with an old brown quilt on top of a rock hard mattress. A painted picture of a horse is the only decoration, along with a single gold lamp with a price tag from a garage sale on it. Two dollars. The walls are a deep beige with chips in the paint, and a single lonely pillow lies on the mattress. No sheets.

He strips me down, taking my last shred of dignity with my clothes. As he continues, I go away inside. I shut down and become a corpse. In my mind, I'm any where but here. I'm at home, watching TV with Sam. I'm at school, watching the clock, counting down until class is over. I'm reading a book. This terrible thing is happening to some character.

I look down at my black Converse and replay me saying "no" over and over again.

I know what this is, but I won't put the word to it. No, Jared can be mean sometimes, but he's not a rapist. Rapists are monsters. Basically myths, right? He loves me.

He loves me, I think.

He must not have heard me say no.

I tell myself that he didn't hear me and go away inside, but even after, I still hear myself saying "no."

I said no.

***

THREE MONTHS LATER

"Just go in there and do it. You already have an appointment. You know we can't keep this thing," Jared's breath is hot against my ear. I want to be anywhere but with him right now.

"You don't have to. I won't even tell anyone it's yours. Just please don't make me do this. This is a baby we're talking about," I try to plead with him, but he's not listening.

"I need to get into college. I don't need you tracking me down in five years, demanding child support all because of some stupid decision we made at a high school party."

Decision we made. I bite my tongue and don't bring up the word "rape." I don't bring up the fact that I clearly and audibly said no. I don't bring up the fact that at least half of the football team must have heard my protests. I don't bring up the smell of booze on his breath.

"Jared, I can't-"

"You will, because you care about me right?," he reaches his hand out as if to stroke my face, but instead delivers a back hand that leaves my face stinging and tears welling in my eyes.

"You're gong to tell everyone that you fell, or I'll tell your dad about this abortion, and he'll know who his daughter really is. Though... I guess your mom already knows now, if she's looking down on you," he gives a smirk that causes bile to rise in my throat.

He didn't have to bring up my mom.

"Okay, I'll go..." I say, before he can raise his hand another time. I must look like some pathetic, cowering dog that's been kicked around.

"You're so hot when you're submissive," Jared kisses me. If it could even be called a kiss. It's forceful and possessive, like him. He's a sick person, I can feel it in my soul. I used to be in love with him. That seemed to be a different Jared, though. "Now, hurry up, Emmy."

He's always calling me Emmy. He must know I hate it, but that's the least of our problems.

I take a deep breath and walk through the doors, screaming and clawing on the inside. But, I stay quiet. I can always manage to stay quiet.

***

"Sam... Thank you for picking me up. Jared had to go," I try to muster up a small smile. I feel like dying. I feel sick. I feel guilty. Dirty. The last thing that I feel like doing is smiling.

"Of course he did. I don't know why you're still with that jerk, Em."

"He's not a jerk," I say, not meeting Sam's eyes. He's been my best friend since Pre-K. He knows when I'm lying, and this time the lie was blatantly obvious. "Plus, we're going separate ways after he graduates."

"Where did he have to go that was so important?" He asks, ignoring my last statement. He must have heard me talking about ending things a thousand times.

"I don't know, Sam," I lie. "I just want to go home and go to sleep, please."

I know that Jared went to his football game. The last one of the season, and for him, the last one at our high school. He's a senior, graduating in a matter of months. He wouldn't miss that game for a world. Even to get rid of what was threatening his football scholarship.

"I'm sorry, Em. I'm sorry this had to happen," Sam's eyes dart to my now empty belly for a slip second.

I know how he feels about this. I know that he hates it, but I can't help it.

"I was going to name her Lily... After my mom," I say, earning no reply from Sam. I'm grateful for his silence, in a way. I don't even know why I told him that.

No one else knows about Lily, so I mourn my loss silently.

Like I do everything else.