2050: A Time of Courage

Chapter 4: Dimitri

I walk through the maze of corridors, trying to understand what exactly it is I am feeling.

I did my job. I helped the commander in his fight, though at this point I wonder what exactly he is fighting for.

Taking Emilio's blood does not get this army any closer to ending the war, does it?

Capturing three Superiors whom I used to be allied with? How does that lead the war to end sooner?

This doesn't make sense. Why would the commander do it? How could I get myself into this?

How could I be so arrogant? How could I be stupid enough to think that I could make a positive difference in this war, simply because I am special? I may be capable of healing myself from most injuries, a relatively mundane but impressive talent, but I am no hero.

What I am is a fool.

My uncle trusted Shemik and the others until the end, and I never doubted his judgement. If I truly trusted my uncle, I would have stayed, would have trusted his allies even if I blamed one of them for his death.

Strength in numbers.

I stop in front of a door, pulling it open and stepping inside my room. It feels unnaturally cold, unwelcoming.

Everywhere I walk in this building, my guilt is waiting to pounce. I can't hide, can't fall asleep without seeing my mistake playing out over and over again.

How could I?

How could I kill Shemik when the Polish girl would never dream of purposely harming me?

And Jason.

How could I murder a nine-year-old?

I close my eyes. These soldiers should be taking my blood, running their tests on me in compliance with whatever agenda the commander has created. Emilio has done nothing to them except resist, something I wish I had the courage to do.

Lilian and Theo would never turn on each other. They are loyal, something I clearly should have been. They aren't traitorous. I could never imagine Lilian betraying an ally if that person posed no threat to her.

Yet Lilian is punished over and over, first by Jason's death and now by this imprisonment.

I sit on the edge of my bed, glancing out the window absentmindedly. It is sunny today, the bright sky outside contrasting starkly with my mood. I look away. It is too cheerful, and I can't bear to look at the view for a second longer.

I'm on my feet again, pacing. Back and forth I go, mind working overtime in a feudal attempt to find a way out of this. I'm doomed. I have also doomed Lilian, Theo, and Emilio to whatever punishments and tests the commander sees fit for them.

My gaze falls on the small clock on the wall. It was put there nearly a day ago after I found it hidden away in a storage closet. The commander insisted that I keep it, even though the last thing I want to do is measure the amount of time I spend here.

The small hand rests on the three, the minute hand between the four and five. It has been hours since Ivanov and I finished with Emilio. I wonder if he has woken up yet, if I could make up an excuse to go see all three of the prisoners.

No. Even if I could see them, Lilian hates me and I'm sure Theo and Emilio wouldn't take kindly to me starting a conversation with them.

"Why am I so stupid?"

My voice sounds loud in the silent room, but I cannot bring myself to care. It is a question that deserves an answer, though I am clearly not the person to give it.