Double Devils

Error: Brain not found

"Hehehehehe. That crocodile guy was so gullible. Hehehehehe." Rudhra said, helping himself to one of the dosas I was making.

That I was angry about the incident was an understatement. I'd had a major crush on Akash for over an year, and all of a sudden Rudhra just comes and declares that he looks just like a crocodile? That night, I'd even dreamt about a crocodile's face morphing into Akash's , which wasn't romantic in anyway. Just like a wayward elephant in a pottery shop, he did whatever he wanted, with no care for me, this damn sadistic little bitch.

"Shut up, elephant." I said.

"You shut up, squirrel." He said.

It can be noted that we were actually mature, grown up adults.

"What's your problem? Why are you so horrible to everyone? Were you born on a full moon day or what?" I asked him.

"Depends. Was June 7, 1993, a full moon day?" He wondered, and began typing in his phone, obviously to check the above statement.

"Wait. Your birthday is on June 7?"

"Yes. Why?" He asked me.

"Its...just...my birthday is on July 7!" Great, not only were we exactly one month apart in age, we also had similar sounding month names. Exactly what I wanted.

"Wow! Such a coincidence, right? Like most people can't even tell June and July apart! So basically we have the same birthdays!" He chimed.

"Only idiots like you can't tell months apart. You probably don't even know what a leap year is." I said, apparently unfazed, but slightly bothered on the inside. Going by his theory, we had the same birthdays? That was something to be worried about.

"My father was born on Feb 30, on a leap year." He said.

"What! Really? That's so cool!"

"Yep, if he were alive now, he would have been fourteen years old." He said.

"Oh! I am so sorry!" I said. I mean, Rudhra was always being horrible, being himself, that I never got to know anything about his personal life or his childhood days.

"No problem. Cancer is none's fault, you know. But he really did suffer a lot towards the end. I really hope he's without pain now." He said.

I nodded. During rare moments like this, when the earth's axis and the sun's axis were in a straight line, Rudhra and I were able to have a serious conversation. That didn't last for long though.

"You miss him?"

"I think of him every single day. But I still have my mummy to fight with."

"So sweet." I gushed, as I flung another dosa onto his plate. "What does your mom do?"

"She's an air hostess." He said. Judging by his age, by all calculations, his mom must at least be fifty years old. "I know what you are thinking, she is fifty five, and still working." He said.

"Let me guess, Air India?" I asked him. He nodded.

"So, what about your family?" He asked me.

"Mine? Just another normal household. Both are retired teachers. And my sister is an accountant. Her husband is in the merchant navy, and you saw their children today."

"Yeah, yeah."

It was a new feeling, talking normally with him. Don't tell me, we would soon become friends like normal people? That was so weird. As weird as the concept of Popeye being friends with Bluto.

"Ahem, ahem. Enough with the serious talk." He said, as if he understood my mind's voice.

"Yes." I said, and plopped on the sofa. "As I was saying, don't bully Akash like you bully me. He is a nice person, and is very important to me."

"I won't bully that nice crocodile head." He said.

This guy was so infuriating. He never left a sentence without putting up a resistance. He never agreed with me on anything. He never said,"Oh sure, if that's what you want, I'll do it." He'd probably say it, but out of sarcasm.

My next operation would be to get along with him, whatever means possible. Probably, if I turned a blind eye to his antics and sewed my ears shut, we could be friends? He was my employer, and though he didn't have any managerial ethics(or human ethics), I could earn a few brownie points if I got onto his good side. Didn't all 'bad boys' like 'good girls'? I mean, it had to be true, as it was the basic storyline of every Asian drama. So I would impress him with my cheerfulness, innocence and my bubbly character, and he'd get rid of his horrible personality with my influence and learn to look at the beauty of the world again. 'Promise, you won't fall in love with me.' I'd say, but fate would have other plans....

No, cancel the last two lines. Reboot.

Operation friendship begins.

"Say, Rudhra." I began, deviously. "The world is such a wonderful place, don't you think so?"

"No." 

I didn't know how to proceed after that. End of story

Try 2:

"Rudhra, you look very handsome in your facebook picture" I said.

"I am not on Facebook."

Try 3:

"Rudhra, what's your favourite meal? I'll make it." I asked.

"My favourite meal is everything you can't cook." He said.

Try 4:

"Say, Rudhra. If you had to choose between one hundred crore rupees and a lifetime of happiness, what would you choose? I'd choose happiness." I said.

"I'd choose whatever makes you stop talking."

"How rude!" I exclaimed. No wonder I couldn't be friends with him.

"You are so weird." He said. "How can I answer them when you are obviously plotting something evil? Is this revenge for that crocodile guy?"

Bulls eye!

"Why do you hate him so much? What did he ever do to you?" I asked him, annoyed.

"He said your dumplings were overly spicy." He said.

"Really? So what?"

"So you don't need his acquaintance ." He said, as if he was actually making sense.

"I don't need him because he said my dumplings were too spicy?" I asked him, taken aback.

"Yes."

Regardless of whether that actually made sense or not, that was the sweetest thing anyone had ever said to me. 'Look, this guy said your dumplings weren't good. So don't talk to him and let me bully him however I want.' In my monotone world of bad breakups and boring people, this was a very sweet and cute way of thinking.

"Okay." I said, with the most normal voice I could manage.

"I mean, cooking is your only redeeming feature, and he doesn't even get that. Just one dumpling and he already thinks that way? What would become of you? Also, what would be his impression of me, if he ever finds out I eat what you cook, everyday?" He said.

Operation friendship cancelled until further notice.

Author's note: Aren't both of them extremely unlikable? I like them because they are unlikable, if that makes sense!