Broken and Bent

Damaged

(Don't read if easily triggered by self harm! Stay alive frens |-/)
          Nicole's POV
For the love of god, just please baby, please, stay alive. If not for you. Then for me.
     My mothers words ring in my head as I lay down. It's nearly three in the morning and I've been tending to my new wounds. Blood stains in the cracks of my skin as I look down at them.
    The sharpener on my desk looks welcoming. Slowly, making sure not to step heavily on the ground, get up to retrieve it. I sit down in my desk chair and work on breaking the plastic off. Once it is, I take the blade out and look at it for a second.
    It could take the pain away. I deserve the pain. I deserve to bleed. Harming myself is an escape. In the few seconds that the blood runs down my leg, wrist, or waist the pain seems to just wash away.
       As I press it to my thigh, my eyes close and I'm a peace. How did all change so fast. It went from him pushing me on the swings and tucking me in at bed time, to a bottle of half drunken whiskey in his hand and his fists coming at me. The metal slices at my skin, making tears spill.
      One cut, it hurts.
      Two cuts, its starting to fade.
      Three cuts, the blood is running down my leg.
    Four, I'm numb but don't stop.
       After I feel like I've succeeded in making myself hurt, I let the blade fall to the ground, my chest rising and falling fast. Taking a rag, I wipe the blood off my leg, the stinging feeling welcomed. My bed room door opens, making me stand immediately.
    My drunken father stands there, a bottle of Jack in one hand and the other is clenched. My heart hammers in my small chest. "How did you become such a disappointing daughter?" He slurs.
    "I don't know, sir," I say. Over the years, I've learned that it's better to talk when asked to, but no other time. Maybe the beating won't be as bad as I'm expecting. He stomps over, setting the bottle down on my desk with a loud clank sound. Using one of his hands, he grabs my chin, squeezing my face painfully.
     "Its too bad that no one will ever love you," he says, alcohol reeking his breath. When I don't say anything, he slaps me hard across the face. "Say something you useless WHORE!"
     "No one will love me," I crack out. He grins and leans in close to me.
     "Hmm, you know I love you though right?" He asks. I nod. His nose brushes my neck, making my breath hitch. His hands travel down my body, making me feel filthy. "How about I show you just how much I love you?" Horror passes though me.
     "Please don't do this," I say, blinking back tears. He glares, pushing me down to my knees and unzipping his pants with his free hand. The bulge in his boxers scares me. I know what's going to happen.
      ×××××××
          He closes the door after him, taking the bottle of Jack with him. The pain was unbearable. He didn't care. He was only concerned for his own pleasure; my body hurts.
   What a father.
       I stand up, my thighs and in-between sore. That wasn't how I wanted to ever lose that. But once again, I have no choice. As I walk into the bathroom and take off my robe, I look at myself in the mirror. Everything he says is true. I'm not pretty at all. My body is like a child's. No one could ever love me.
     Turning on the shower, the spay of the water is loud against the tile. As I look down, there's a small amount of blood on my inner thighs. Getting into the warm water, my legs stings from the fresh cuts on them. 
     After putting a generous amount of shampoo in my hair, I put my head under the water, closing my brown eyes. It's like all the horrible memories come back. I can feel his hands on my body, forcing me to do thing I don't want to do, doing things to me I don't want. I know better than to yell though. No matter how bad it was, if I had called out for help, he would have killed me, no doubt about that.
    I slide down the light grey tile, pulling my legs to my chest and wrapping my arms around my knees. All I do is sit and cry. If the chance to die came, that would be great. When I wanted to end it before, my Mom had found me and made me promise to not leave her or hurt myself again. Then again, she doesn't know what goes on when she's not around. He would never lay a hand on his sweet wife.
     I'm keeping half of that promise, for the pain gets to bad I need a distraction.
    
AN: I'm in NO WAY supporting rape in this!! With the ways things are looking, THIS is going go my favorite bad boy/goodgirl story. Please comment your thoughts!! Stay alive frens |-/                  -Veah