The Day I first Met You...

Chapter 4.

A/N: Hey guys glad people are reading this! Story is starting to get into the swing of it now. Leave comments letting me know what you think of the plot and what you think might happen! Keep voting and reading.

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JANINE's POV.

1 week later.

As I stood in the front row of the church I felt numb. That past week was a blur that I can barely remember... I don't even remember getting up and dressed this morning but here I am, at my own mothers funeral, dressed in a knee length black dress and blazer that my older sister Erica picked out for me. Ricky sat on one side of me in a suit that looked just slightly too big for him and Erica on the other side in a modest outfit she was too young to be wearing. All the signs were there that this wasn't supposed to happen yet, surely we'd have years left before we had to even think about burying our mother?

I felt Ricky squeeze my hand and looked over to him. Tears were falling silently down his face, he was looking down at his feet which were fidgeting slightly. I was worried about him more than myself or anyone else. He hadn't really talked the whole week since I came home he just cried and slept a lot.

I wasn't paying attention really to what the minister was saying from the front of the church, or the hymns that were being played and sung, but, before I knew it I felt Erica put her arm on my back and push me forward slightly. It was my time, I was to give a speech on behalf of the three of us. Say a few words about mum and how we all loved her - that's what my Aunt Sarah had said anyway.

I'd written a few things down and brought the crumpled piece of paper with me to the reading stand. I felt hundreds of eyes on me now and my anxiety really kicked in. 'Keep calm, breathe' I willed myself.

"The three of us were always close to mum. She was everything to us growing up. As a single mum she played both parents from the start and she did it exceptionally well with no complaints. She raised us all to be strong young men and women who always value love and family above all else, but she also taught us to be fierce and independent - something she could not have possibly foreseen we'd need to utilise so soon in life. Personally, mum has helped me through a lot. She has been my rock over the last 3 years that I have found particularly difficult and for that I will forever be grateful... I wish and pray mum that you'll continue to be beside me as I'm not sure just how well I'll cope without your wisdom and comfort and your ability to break through my stubborn and defiant shell."

I voice began to waver and I knew I would began to sob soon if I didn't finish the speech in the next few minutes, I glanced up for the first time and caught Erica's eye, she nodded with encouragement as she wiped her own tears away - the first tears I'd seen her shed all week.

"I do not want to stand here and share memories and anecdotes of our lives with mum, because it doesn't feel like those memories have stopped being made yet. She may not be with us all physically anymore but she will still be making memories with us wherever we go and whatever we do in life. She'll be in the memories we make when Erica gets married and has kids, she'll be in the memories we make when Ricky finishes school and becomes a professional Cricketer and she'll be in the memories we make as I continue my journey through life, wherever that may take me. So today I ask you all amongst the grieving and sadness to keep making memories with my mum, because then she will forever be alive in our hearts."

As I finished the speech and walked back to my seat I began to sob, reaching my seat I fell into Erica's open arms and we cried together, pulling Ricky into our hug we held each other for a few minutes more before getting ready to follow the coffin procession out of the church and into the graveyard.

**later that night**

I sat on the back steps of the house with mums favourite blanket wrapped around my shoulders looking out over the back garden. Me and mum used to sit here every evening in the summer with a cup of tea before bed - we always had a beautiful view of the sun setting over the sea from our back porch and this evening was no different. I pulled out my iPad and unlocked the screen. My background picture flashed up, it was a picture of me, Ricky, Erica and mum and Christmas in matching onsies. It dawned on me then that there would be reminders everywhere of losing mum and I truly didn't know how I was going to cope. I opened the internet and went on to my online blog page, I'd kept a blog on here for years now, it was always my outlet when I was struggling. Somewhere I could vent about all the feelings and emotions I couldn't cope with. This blog saw me through an eating disorder, depression, some particularly wild rebellious times, fallouts with friends, break ups with girlfriends and everything else in between. It was also where I could let my inner fan girl out and go crazy over Demi Lovato. I turned to it again now because although I felt numb, there was some old feelings and emotions coming back and I was scared. I scrolled through the news feed of the other blogs I followed and stopped when I saw someone had posted the music video of Demi's song Skyscraper. I pressed the play button and set my iPad down beside me letting the music and the lyrics wash over me.