The Day I first Met You...

chapter 5.

a/n Hey I'm writing this on my mobile guys so I sincerely apologize for spelling grammar or presentation issues!! Keep up the votes and stuff. please comment.

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JASMINES POV:

I sat with my head resting on my knees pulled up to my chest just listening to the song and trying to unfeel all the pain that was coursing through me. I heard the door behind me open and without lifting my head I knew who it was.

"hey little bird..."

The nickname confirmed it was my sister, something only her and my mum called me. Mum called us all her chicks, she called Erica 'bird' then when I came along I was 'little bird' and finally Rick was her 'baby bird'. The thouhts made me smile... but then tears began to spill again...
"I brought you a cup of tea darlin, how are you doing?" she asked me."Honestly?" she nodded, "I have no idea, I feel... lost. Like I'm just waiting for something to happen, to change, to fix itself. But thats not going to happen."Erica sighed and sat beside me, putting her arm around me and pulling me into her side. I lay my head on her shoulder and wrapped my hands around the warm comforting mug of tea
."Its going to a long time for thing to ever feel anything like normal Jasmine but I know we can all get through it, if we stick together we can be strong." She paused and took a deep breath, like she was readying herself to say something that was going to be difficult to hear.
"We need to talk about where we go from here and what we are going to do." 

I buried myself further into the blanket wrapped around me
"Im taking Ricky back to Aus with me, hes not coping at all and I dont want him here, even with Aunt Sarah, theres too much to remind him everyday and I honestly dont think he can cope. You are older Jasmine you have a choice to make. You can stay with Sarah and keep going to uni or you can come with us too. Aunt Sarah and I think you should spend the rest of the summer in Aus with us though. Spend some time together trying to heal before you make any final discisions."

I lifted my head as I realised the music had stopped as Erica had been talking. I pressed play on a playlist on iTunes and looked out over the sunset again, silent.
"Jasmine please talk to me. I'm scared for you. How are you coping really?"

I knew she was reffering to me and my issues, the elephant in most rooms throughout my life. What she wanted to know but didnt want to ask was, 'am i cutting again?' 'am i eating enough?' 'have i been self medicating again?' I got angry all of a sudden that she was bringing it up.
"Mum just died Erica, here one minute and gone the next. So no, im not coping at all. But if you are trying to ask am I becoming my 'old self' again then no Erica, I'm not." 

That was a lie.

The past week was all a lie. I had been skipping meals, at first I just couldnt bare eating I was so sad... but then its like my body rememberd how good not eating felt and I just kind of kept going. Then I started replacing food with overtaking my meds. I just wanted to be numb.

I also had been thinking about what I wanted to do after this week was over. I couldnt stay here that was for sure. I didnt want to go to Australia with Erica. AS much as it would be different scenery - a different life. Id still be reminded everyday of all the shit that had just happened. Id see it in Rickys sad eyes, Id feel it in Ericas mothering me. I needed to get away, be by myself. Just escape it all.

The night before Id checked my bank accounts. I had my latest installment of student loan sitting untouched and in my savings account i had 12 years of slow but steady savings. I knew in my heart what I wanted to do, where I wanted to go. I'd always had a dream of travelling through America, my mum knew and I think secretly she wanted to come with me one day. She told me of all these places shed one been or seen, she told me of family and friends she had there and how much I'd love it. She always told me I could do anything if I put my mind to it. she also told me that I'd know when the time was right. so that night I'd booked a one way flight to the states.

"Erica im not staying here with Aunt Sarah -"
"Great, ill get us all sorted for flights to Aus then." She quickly butt in.
"Erica let me finish... I'm not staying here with Sarah, I cant do it, but im not going with you either. I need to be on my own, I need to get through this myself in my own way in my own time."
"But Jasmine, I don't get it. What are you going to do?"
"I'm leaving Erica. Im going to do something for myself, something Ive always wanted to to. Something mum knew about and supported and always wished for me to be able to do. I'm going to travel."

Erica laughed, it was a nervous laugh. She knew what I was talking about. Ever since I was 16 I'd had a map of the states stuck up on my wall with little stickers and post-it-notes all over it marking places Id heard about and wanted to someday visit and all the places mum had told me I should see an things I should do.

"Jasmine no you cant do that, you cant just leave and fly half way around the world. You'll never cope over there for a start -"

Id heard enough.
"What happened to being there for each other Erica? Supporting each other through healing? Well whether you like it or not this is how I choose to heal."

I stood up and wiped the tears off my face.
"My flights booked Erica. You cant stop me."

I turned at that moment and what I saw broke my heart a little. Ricky was standing in the doorway behind where we sat and he had obviously heard the conversation. He looked shocked, and he was crying.
"Your leaving?" he said quietly, simply.
"Yes Ricky I am..." I held out my hand to him, "Come here."

He walked down the stairs and I enveloped him into a tight hug."Im not leaving you though," I stressed to him, "I just need to get away from all of this. You are going to go and begin a fantastic life with Erica in Aus, shes gonna look out for you and help you get through this. We'll keep in touch of course, im just a text or call away. And hey! Im gonna need to hear about all those Australian babes you are going to meet!"

He smiled and gave a small laugh through his tears and I knew he understood at least in some way. Me and Ricky had always been very close, ERica had always been nore of a 2nd mum but me and Ricky were best mates.
"Okay Jas" he said simply.

The rest of the night and early hours of the morning we sat together and talked and laughed. The three of us lay under the stars on our big trampoline just like we did as kids. We shared memories of Mum and talked about the future. I even brought out a few beers and let Ricky have his first drink with me as promised.

It felt like the healing had already begun.