The Greatest Older Sister (Cameron Dallas)(Nash Grier)(Viners)(YouTubers)

Im broken, do you hear me? Im blinded, cause you are everything I see

It was Shawn.. The guy who called me a slut, worthless, it was like deja vu, the same thing happened in school.

Many bad things happened at the beach house for a month and a half in my room. I stayed there so lucy wouldnt see me. I didnt eat or drink. I became so week i couldnt even get out of bed. I began to burn myself, I dont approve of people cutting themselves, but burning is at the same extreme. I would purposely throw myself to get bruises. I cried and cried.

Those words were horrible, especially since they came from Shawn..

Im still very underweight, but cole helped me. I used the beach as therapy, I went out everyday.

*Flashback two months earlier*

I went out into my front lawn and looked at the water and sky. Thee sky was grey and cloudy, the water black and deathly. If only I could stay under. It would be peaceful. I ran into the water and swam out as far as I could.

"Why god? Why? Am I that bad of a person? I try and try my hardest, but its never enough. Im like a broken record, all the same mistakes, heartbreak after heartbreak." I yelled crying

"No one likes me, im a horrible example to Lucy, whats wrong with me? MY PARENTS ARE NEVER HERE! They dont love me, they dont see that somethings wrong!" I yelled

"Im sorry. Im sorry, please forgive me." I prayed to god.

Do you ever just think you cant live? Everything screwed up? Youd rather die than live? It doesnt seem like life will get better? That was me in the middle of the ocean.

I took in a deep breath and looked at my house. I opened my eyes and put my head under water. I began to sink. Every memory Ive had went through like a slide show. Mentally I thought of a song, one of my favoritest songs.

I thought of all the boys and how theyve touched my life.

"There is a house built out of stone, wooden floors, walls and window cells, tables and chairs worn by all of the dust, this is a place where i dont feel alone, this is a place where i feel at home. I built, a home, for you for me, and we disappear for me, from you. Out of the garden where we planted the seeds, there is a tree as old as me, branches with sone by the color of grief, the ground has arose and past its knees, by the cracks of its skins i climbed to the top, i climbed the tree to see the world, when the gods came around to blow me down, held on as tightly held on as tightly as you held on to me, held on as tightly as you held on me. Until the days, disappear for me from you. To die." 'Play to build a home by the cinematic orchestra.'

Jack J: One of the funniest, dorkiest, sweetest guys ever. We didnt talk that much, but we understood eachother on a different level.

Matt: One of the cutest guys ever, we shared some kisses, always happy, flirty, the greatest.

Duke: We had some issues but I really did love him, I always loved him.

The One Direction Boys: Taking me in and helping me, especially my little Nialler, i havent talken to them lately but I really miss them.

The Janoskians: Great guys, especially Jai, helped me with my first tattoo.

Aaron: Such a cutie, with a great accent, always appreciative

JC: Always making me laugh, always making me happy, a goofball, a cuddle guy

Kian: Always a pleasure to be around, had so many things in common

Cameron: Texted me through everything, helped me. Im going to miss his smile, his hilarious laugh, his cute hair.

Sam: His cute rose cheeks, his little gap, the way he would hold me. The way he kissed me. He flirted with me, knew how to make me feel better, I still had some feelings for him.