Shades of Blue.

chapter five

Lauren can't sleep.

She tries to, but the image of Normani's face crumbling within itself with hurt plays over and over in a loop in her mind and she kinda feels a little out of it. She considers making her way to Normani's room, knocking on her door and telling her the truth. Telling her that she actually doesn't have a girlfriend. And what she does have is a ridiculous amount of fear of getting attached to Normani only to have her leave again. But she knows Normani enough to know that she won't open the door for her.

Normani's not like her. Lauren's hotheaded. She likes taking up confrontations right when they happen. You have a problem with her, you sort it out there and then. Normani's the complete opposite of her. She likes mulling over things, letting the dust settle before solving the problem rationally. She can literally watch something happen for months before it gets to her enough for her to actually say something about it.

The amount of self control she has used to simultaneously awe and annoy Lauren. She felt like Normani was sometimes too nice, that she let people walk all over her in the name of 'taking the high road' and 'being the bigger person'. But at the same time, she admired the grace with which she handled her problems, she admired her strength and her ability to know when to step back from a situation.

Sometimes Lauren used to feel like she's going to rip all her fucking hair out when fighting with Normani. She'd be yelling on top of her voice, mad as all actual hell, speaking English and Spanish and sometimes both languages mixed together, and Normani would just be there, completely quiet, biting her cheeks to keep herself in check. It pissed Lauren off so much because if someone was looking in from the outside, they'd think she's fucking crazy, arguing with a calm person. Sure Normani had moments when she was irrational, but those only happened when she was jealous. When she was angry, or hurt, she would just shut the fuck down until she felt like she could pass her point across without being overly emotional.

And while Lauren hated it most of the time, she had to admit that some of it rubbed of on her. She's an emotional person by nature, always has been and probably always will be. But being with Normani taught her that sometimes giving yourself time to understand a situation completely before talking about it is okay.

She sighs as she sits up from the bed. She can't just tell Normani she's sorry. It feels like that's all she's been doing since Normani got here, fucking up and apologizing. It's getting redundant at this point. She needs to show her she's sorry and she needs to find a way to stop hurting her after every five seconds.

But first, she needs coffee.

(And a three hour shower).

"Fuck you." She says out loud, not even having the energy to care that she is basically arguing with herself. That's how tired she is.

She's on her second cup of coffee, racking her mind on things she could do to get Normani to forgive her when said girl walks out of her room. She has something silky wrapped around her hair today, her fingers sticking out her over sized shirt that goes all the way to her knees and pink fuzzy socks on her feet. She keeps bumping into things like she's forgotten where they were overnight. She cusses every time she bumps into something, rubs her eyes a little, then proceeds to bump into something else.

Lauren's lips stretch into a smile around her cup. She can't help it, the whole scene is just so funny and adorable.

"Hi," Lauren says when Normani's eyes finally fully open.

Normani just stares at her, not saying a word, then she walks to the shelves, picks a glass, pours herself some milk, and walks away.

Lauren looks at all of this with a mixture of shock and hurt. It seems like Normani is giving her the silent treatment. And if Lauren wants her to ever speak to her again, then she needs to do something big.