Shades of Blue.

Chapter Eleven (Part two)

It's been a month and maybe two weeks or so since everything happened, and Lauren's relationship feels like a malfunctioning rollercoaster. One minute they're good and they're happy, then she'll do something as small as kiss Normani and everything just goes to shit. And the thing is, things going to shit between them almost never involves shouting. Lauren wishes it would, she wishes Normani would shout at her until she couldn't anymore because lord knows that would be better than the silent treatment she subjects her to. The number of times Lauren has woken up, sweaty and nervous and convinced to her last bone that Normani has left her warrants a trip to a shrink. On those nights, she walks to Normani's room and just looks at her until her mind is convinced that she's right there and she's not going anywhere. Honestly, it feels like she's constantly on the edge of something horrible and just one wrong move will set her whole world ablaze.

But sometimes Normani will come home late and find Lauren on the couch, writing, and she'll wordlessly move until she's on Lauren's lap and kiss her cheek or something and say "I'm trying," in the most sincere voice Lauren has ever heard and things won't seem so bad anymore.

Because Lauren knows as long Normani's trying, she's willing to sit on this malfunctioning rollercoaster for as long as it takes.

....

"How do you feel today?"

"About you?"

"Yeah. About me. About us."

It's Saturday and so far their week has had more ups than downs. Which is good. They went out for dinner in the middle of the week. Some fast food restaurant that had more customers than they had seats. They ate while seated on the pavement that night. Normani stole Lauren's fries and slapped Lauren's hand when she tried stealing her chicken wings. They walked most of the way home, and even when they were on the train, Normani held Lauren's hand the whole way and played with her fingers like there's nothing else she'd rather do.

It was a good night. The best they've had in a while.

"I hate you a little." Normani admits, running her fingers through Lauren's hair just the way the other girl likes it.

"Is it a little less than yesterday?"

Yesterday was a bad day. The silent treatment reigned and it was like Normani couldn't bare to look at Lauren. Lauren had cried herself to sleep and she'd been almost certain that Normani would leave. But then she woke her up with breakfast in bed and a kiss on her cheek, "I'm sorry." She'd whispered, slipping into bed next to Lauren, "I'll try harder."

"Yeah. A little less than yesterday."

Lauren smiles. She closes her eyes and concentrates on the hands in her hair. "That feels so nice." She moans out.

Normani chuckles, "I keep telling you you're part feline."

"Shut up." She mumbles and blindly reaches for Normani's free hand. She kisses the inside of her palm and laces their fingers together, "is there anything I can do to make you not hate me at all?" She asks, rubbing her thumb up and down Normani's skin.

Normani sighs, "no. This is entirely on me. It's not like you're not doing enough, Lauren. You are and I know it. I just need to work harder on letting things go."

"You'll let go when you're ready to. I'm willing to wait. However long it takes."

"I'm trying."

"I know." Lauren kisses the back of her hand, "I'm just really glad you stayed."

....

"Mani?" Lauren asks when she walks into the house on a Monday evening a week later to find everything in their living room moved around. "Uh," she slowly puts her bag on the floor, avoiding any sudden movements, "hi?"