*Word Count : 1028*
*I'm sorry your review is so short, I literally could not find anything wrong with your story. However the major areas are the blurb and cover that needs huge improvements.
G A S T
Cover :
Don't be a copycat.
Don't use a 'demon' or whatever you want to call the girl, be original, don't use a character that already has a backstory. A lot of people know who the girl with the long black hair over her face is, making them automatically think of the movie.
You don't want that. You want your story to be remembered for your writing, not for the character from a movie on your cover. Does that make sense? I don't know.
However, there is a certain aspect of it that I do like, just keep the girl out of it and replace it with something else.
You should increase the Title's size too, it just seems so insignificant, lower it a little and make it bigger, space out the letters a tiny bit as well if possible, just so it doesn't seem so confined together.
Something else if missing too, I strongly recommend adding a subtitle, it just seems like one of those book covers where a subtitle will add an extra - something - to it.
Also, I noticed that you used your full name instead of your username - professionalism at its finest . . . *Thumbs up*
Blurb :
Okay, why did you place your blurb like this? It's going to take me for ages - only joking. Mh.
Instead of writing out what to change, I just copied, pasted and changed it that sounds and looks a little better.
I basically just changed the layout, it was too close together, and by the way, I think you should add more information onto the actual description because it's very vague for a blurb and it sorts of skips between Adam being a widow and the next section.
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It only takes a second to lose everything ...
For example, within the space of one second Adam became a widow.
(Pref. add more info here)
People say it's natural to see the deceased everywhere you look - what they don't say is much, much darker than that.
They don't say anything about them screaming your name in the dead of night, or about them trying to kill you ...
(SPACE)
Highest rating in Horror : #36
Cover is not my own making.
Updates : Once / Twice per month
(SPACE)
Reader Feedback;
"Nice first chapter. Perfect amount of detail, this could almost be a short story in and of itself." @KRRodriguez"Brilliant!" @AnnMarieMarsh"Damn.... this book just gets darker and darker. I love it.... more, more, more." @melterry921"Wow.. just wow" @Darkgirl_forever
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Story :
I like the chapter titles - surprisingly, not many authors pay attention to the titles, and subconsciously the reader will judge the book partly on the titles so good job!
I've only read the first line of the prologue and I'm impressed, I love the quote and the bold writing at the beginning and how all of it is laid out like a prologue in a published book would be! I'm impressed so far! Okay, wait. The prologue is 10 minutes long. What?
I did read through it though, and there were some glaring errors ( some said in SPG section) and like one of the comments said, it may as well have been a short story. I for one am not too fussed in prologues unless they are executed with precision. To be completely honest, this wasn't executed with precision, and I think it should be redone with more description and the errors fixed. Now, that's just my opinion, I'm not too fussed with prologues, especially longer one that drags on.
Something I noticed is that your lengths aren't very consistent, the first one is 4 minutes, then it's 11 in the next two chapters, then 7 then 4, try to keep them at a similar length ( at least at 6/7 minutes long )
I don't have major problems with your story, you have a good amount and quality description but the major problem is checking over the chapter again and looking out for mistakes. Most are easily missed and a one-off but a large amount are things that happen repetitively such as the speech marks. Do it yourself or get an editor to look out for them.
If you fixed the blurb, cover and edited it then your story would easily go up to around 19 perhaps, maybe, even 20 but lets not get too far ahead of ourselves here ...
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Description:
Now, I wasn't impressed until I started reading your Chapter One, so you completely shocked me. You're descriptions are practically effortless and you would definitely be in my top 5 users who uses description perfectly. I'm sorry, this is going to be a short review, I have no idea what else to say . . .
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SPG:
In your blurb the ellipses should be like this - ( everything ... One second ) or ( everything . . . One second )
In the prologue, there were so many speech punctuation mistakes, look over my lessons book to find the basics of this because your reader isn't going to want to read a story with excessive glaring errors in it. The following are just a few mistakes and you should look out for further ones, or get an editor to help you.
"remember, you're driving, baby," Rose reminded him. - should be the correct punctuation ( a comma instead of the period)
At 6 minutes, it should also be a comma, ( "... behind me with a shotgun," Adam shouted, ..... )
A 3 minutes in chapter 1, you forgot to capitalize "They".
Overall Rating: wow
17 /20
PRIZE - *Gives Gold Star*
SAMPLE
"To be haunted is to reveal something that is best left otherwise hidden."
*CHANGES*
- Edit
- Better Cover
- More pro. blurb
- Better description
- HA you thought.
