shrek's birthday surprise

a partay for shrek

it was my birthday and i was super excited. the whole school was invited to my swamp for a big party. (i'm like super popular at Swampville High.)

a few of my bestest frens came over to help me set up my awesome party decorations. Sonic Thehedgehog blew up some balloons and Shadow Theredhedgehog helped hang them around the super cool, super hip selfie wall that Trump builded just  for me. i baked a super yummy cake. my ex boyfriend (now best friend) Adolf Hitler was there too and he helped put some lights up and a big, round (shiNy) disco ball. Trump is going to DJ for the party (he has great taste in music.) he's the best.

i felt so happy when we finished decorating. my swamp looked so beautiful. i shed a few joyous, oniony tears because i was so happy.

when the timer dinged and i knew the cake was done. i ran to the kitchen and was greeted with a strong aroma of chocolate onion mud cake. my favourite. while my frens were setting up the decorations, i mixed up a massive cake and set up a snack bar for the party with all my favourite foods: eyeballs,, onions, jelly slugs , donkey balls and fried onions (i really like onions. there my fave.)

i finished decorating the cake and arranging it on the table as i heard the first knock on the door. i skipped to the door and open it. it's my good pal Harambe! i'm so happy! and behind him was bob the builder and barack obama! they had a lot of presents with them and i got super excited and took them inside for all the guests to see and be jealous of my popularity and cool new shit (ill probably end up throwing half of the stuff away by next week)

more guests began to arrive. soon my swamp was hoppin'. it was so lit and i was so happy. even Lord Farquad came! (i don't like him tho.)

i roared a mighty roar over the sick, thumping beats and silence quickly fell. "can i have everyone's attention so we can play pin the tail on the donkey!" i call out and everyone loves the ideA! (except donkey.) he doesn't like it because he's an asshole. i hate him.

we played the game for hours. i ended up having to piss really bad so i got up and walked outside and to the little outhouse. i could hear weird sounds inside it and open it to see Shadow and Hitler making out!!
"ewwwwwww!!!" i roar the mightiest roar i can mange and tell them not to make out because it's my birthday party and that's rude! i also told them i'm no longer their friend.

"we never liked you ugly stupid face thicc boi!" Shadow yells.
"ja shrek! no von likes jew sherkk!" Hitler yells. a bit of his nasty german spit lands on my large, pouty ogre lip.
i started to feel the sting of onion tears in my eyeballs. i ran away and hide my face in my hands. i let myself cry. i cry. i sobbed.

"this is the worst birthday party ever!" heard foot steps and wipe at my tears. "go away Shadow!!" i roar. "I fucking hate you poopy butthole face!!" i heard the person jump back and suck in a deep breath.

"whoa like–um sorry dude. i'm not no shadow." i looked up at the sound of the voice. it wasn't shadow or Hitler. it sounded so familiar....
he pats his shrexy bod "see. i'm a really boy. not no shadow."
its my crush!!!!! kanye west! omg i'm so happy!
"kanye?!" i start to fangirl. i have all his merchandise and all his CDs, i listen to kanye everyday and i worship him. kanye is like my jesu.s

i love him so much.