i wake to soft beeps and boops and people walking around me and touching my round ogre face. "wat the fuk?¿ where am i?" i now have a thick scottish accent that i didn't have before. "who am i?" i cant remember a thing.
"Shrek!" who? someone runs in the door and looks down at me. it's a tall, dark man. i've never seen him before. "Shrek, you're awake!" he bends down to kiss my cheek. what the actual fuck??! "GET OFF OF ME, i'm deFiniTeLy nOt A FAGGOT!!¡" the man looks at me with sadness and embarrassment. "s..sorry," he stutters.
i yell for the nurse and she comes running in. "get this man out!" i yell and she does as told. i see a few tears drip down his face. who was he and why did he act like that? i definitely don't like boys and i definitely don't know him.
i go back to sleep and wake up again to the nurse removing my IV. "what are ya doin'? who am i?" she sits down on a chair with a clipboard. "hello, you're awake. good." she smiles, totally ignoring my question. "hey lady, answer me." she looks at her clipboard and says "well, i removed your IV because you no longer need it. you will be able to go home tonight and your name is Shrek. you are an Ogre." oh. okay. "well who was that man?" i ask, still confused and without a memory. "umm.. i actually don't know who that was. he was a patient here a few days ago but he left. he came and watched you often." i furrow my thicc brows. hmm... strange. am i a fag?? no.
the nurse helps me eat a nasty sandwich for lunch. she helps me into my clothes (a tan shirt, brown trousers and a vest.) i have to be wheeled out of the hospital in a wheelchair and loaded onto a carriage. the driver takes me home to my empty swamp.
i fix myself an eyeball martini and plop onto a chair. i breathe in the musty smell of my swamp. it smells like happiness and peace and quiet. i smile to myself. i yawn real loud before changing into my pjs; a pair of pink tighty whities.
i dive into my bed and fall asleep quicker than i ever have before.
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shrek's birthday surprise
Fanfictionshrek has an awesome birthday party! until his friends ruin it by ditching him and making out in his outhouse. but when shrek is ready to give up on the best birthday ever, he gets a special surprise ( ͡ᵔ ͜ʖ ͡ᵔ )
