The College

"Crazy"

   Alisha found some joy in pestering Alex about me. But I remember one day I guess in a way she went a bit too far. She was asking him if he'd go out with me, but she did it so persistently he got curious.

"Aly...doesn't like me...does she?"

Alisha froze. Then so did he. He closed his eyes and leaned back on his locker and rested his head on his locker door.

"What..." she asked

"I....Feel....SO...BAD" He said covering his face with his hands.

"It's okay! Aly is really placid, she'll understand!"

"Are you sure?"

"Hang on" 

Alisha came over to me and told me what had just happened and then I felt bad that he felt bad for something that's not his fault

"Look, tell him that it's perfectly fine and that I don't care!  I cant make him like me so he shouldn't worry." I said, I was kinda proud of my understanding-ness.

She told him and he was so relieved he actually said that I was really cool for being so sound about the non mutual feelings. Go Aly. Even though I was slightly disappointed, I had been through worse, I knew i'd be grand.

A couple of days later, I walked home with my friends and Alisha walked home with Alex because they lived in the same estate. Just as I walked in my front door (because we like to take our time coming home, stopping and starting and making the odd trip to the shop or the chipper) my phone started hopping, I had thirteen messages and four missed calls all from Alisha and my initial reaction was "fuck". Just as I went to call her back she rang me again and I answered instantly.

"Hel-" I was cut off

"ALISON!" she never calls me by my full name so I was even more worried now.

"Yes?"

"GUESS WHAT JUST HAPPENED"

I really hate when people do that and actually expect me to guess like as if I would actually be able to guess what just happened, but anyway.

"Em, I don't know...before you tell me, is it good or bad news?"

"Whatever you make of it! Are you ready for this?" Judging by the excitement in her voice I guessed it was good news.

"Okay, spill." I say preparing myself for what I was about to hear.

"OKAY SO! I was walking home with Alex as I usually do, just talking and chatting etcetera..."

"...yeah" I said this throughout her storytelling just FYI

"...And then YOU came up.." 

I froze and kept listening.

"..And we were talking about you and he was all like 'oh so Aly likes me?' and I'm like 'Yeh, she always talks about how much she likes you and she really loves being around you and she thinks you're really funny and cute and.." 

She just went on and on and on and as she was talking I was freaking the fuck out

"ALISHA WHAT THE SHIT! ARE YOU CRAZ-" I start to shout but she cuts over me 

"..SEE I KNEW YOU'D REACT LIKE THAT NOW SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LET ME FINISH OKAY! - Now, I was telling him all that and he goes 'really? she sounds crazy' and I was all like 'Well I wouldn't say crazy' but then he looks at me aND FUCKING SAYS '-I like crazy-' AND HES SMILING AND SHIT!" 

I could feel her smile growing as she shouted it through the phone and then we both started squealing before I had to stop because Stephen told me to shut up. 

"YOU'RE IN ALY, HE DOESN'T TALK LIKE THAT ABOUT EVERYONE" 

I was so happy. We finished our chat and then we hung up. I had to get a straight answer for myself so I went up to him the next day in school after I had prepared an entire speech over text with Alisha, but to my surprise, it is a hell of a lot easier to prepare a speech over text message but when confronted with the situation you're speechless. Now I understand why people find it easier to break up over text. But I couldn't back out now, he was already standing in front of me.

"Whats up Aly?" he had asked for the third time. My mouth was trying to speak but no words were coming out. I think I just said "Alright...okay...okay...alright..." about five million times, swear I was about to rap a Macklemore verse. Eventually words started to come out because I realised that I could stand there repeating myself like a broken record and he'd think I was a pussy, so I'd rather be commended for having the courage to talk about this than be called a pussy for not being able to speak. So I just went for it.

"Okay...Alex"

"Yeah" he laughed as if he was proud that I actually made progress with communicating, he knew I was nervous, it was obvious so he didn't go mental when I finally started talking.

"..Eh..well...In the last few months we've gotten to know each other...ehm...I think we've..em..gotten really close...and our friendship means lots to me...but em...is there any...possibility...that we could ever be...yanno...more...than friends?" My stumbling and stuttering is so awkward to look back on, I actually blacked out a few times just trying to get that sentence out.

"Well, eh wow...I think you're really sound, and pretty but eh, one of my exes, Ella, just asked me out again yesterday and I kinda said maybe so...I'll get back to you on it" the awkwardness in his voice was unsettling.

"Oh okay, ha...haha" I said trying to shrug off the fact that I had just been rejected. The bell rang and he gestured me to hug him and I did. My friends were looking on attentively and their eyes lit up when they saw us hug. I walked over and I saw them open their mouths to talk but before any noise could come out I just said "No." and kept walking. Their smiles faded.