Paper Bride ✔️ (Book 4 - DP Series - COMPLETE)

21. I'm Scared

If I had been expecting to wake up to a day of sunshine and roses after the night I had, then I would be very mistaken. Good thing I wasn't expecting that. After being rejected, I laid in bed for nearly two hours contemplating what in the world Seth could have meant by his words. He didn't want to use me? What would make him think that?

Unless...

I swallow hard, pushing the covers away from me and lazily slipping out of bed. The sun is definitely blazing today, but it seems to be avoiding my mood. I need a little sunshine in my soul and yet, it only wants to shower the grass with light. Maybe I need to spend some time outside today to erase the horrible conclusion I've just come up with.

The possibility that Seth doesn't feel right being with me when he's already with someone else. He doesn't want to use me. I'm hoping with every ounce of energy within me that I'm wrong about my assumptions, but what else could it possibly be? He's not making any sense these days. He's pushing me away during waking hours and kissing my fingers and caressing my skin when he thinks I'm asleep. It's like he wants me, but he respects me too much to fool around with me when he's fooling around on me. That Tracy is one lucky woman to have all his devotion focused on her. He can't even cheat on his mistress with his own wife.

I hate him.

I love him so much that I hate him. Right now, I'm disgusted and hurt and angry and tired. So tired.

I grab whatever clothing off the floor that I can find and throw it on. It doesn't match at all—a pair of purple and yellow polka dot sweatpants and a floral top—but I don't care. I saunter out of my room, my hair a wadded mess drooping around my shoulders. I angrily throw it up into the world's most ludicrous bun and trudge my way into the kitchen.

Seth is already gone, so the only person I have to worry about this morning is myself. I'm debating taking the morning off and pampering myself, but the guilt that surges forward with the idea has me shutting down that thought immediately. Though, at this very moment, I'm not too concerned about Seth's birthday weekend—because in truth, I'm mad at him—I still don't have the ability to back out. I've spent too much time and money on making it happen and Seth's repulsive unfaithfulness will not hinder my plans.

Heck, call me stupid, but even if he is cheating, I'm planning to win. I don't care what other people think. When you love something, you fight for it. I could either gain his love back, or I could lose it and live a miserable life.

Now, don't get me wrong, I plan on telling him how I feel very soon. I'm not going to let him get away with his behavior. I'm not one to just sit back and turn a blind eye. When the time is right, I will present him with his options and he'll have to choose. If he chooses her, then I guess I'll just have to start planning some very sweet revenge. But, until then, I'm going to love him with every ounce of my being. Until then, I'm going to treat him as the innocent man that I hope he is. But, if I find out he's been seeing someone else behind my back, I will promise him that he will regret it.

I know it's bad. Revenge is bad. But, there's something horribly ugly inside of me that just can't let it go. I have to give people what they deserve. I'm working on it. I've tried to overcome it. I really have, but it's something I struggle with. One of these days I'll be a better person. Or, at least, that's what I keep promising myself. I guess we'll see.

As usual, my day is spent in my workshop. The freshly glued tabletop is now dry and I'm able to start piecing everything together. I'm hoping to get all the legs put on before lunch, but we'll see how that goes. I've told Steve that he can come over today. He's been texting me constantly, wanting to know when I can come in and discuss my next project. I finally had to explain that the only way we'd get a chance to talk is if he came over and rambled away while I worked.