Paper Bride ✔️ (Book 4 - DP Series - COMPLETE)

22. Giving Up

I want to give up.

I didn't think that my life could get any more disastrous than it already is, but I was wrong. Somewhere between deciding that we should talk more and sharing awkward moments in bed, Seth has vanished. I actually have not seen the man in over two days. The thing is, we leave today for his birthday getaway.

To be frank, I'm pissed. Royally so. I wasted precious time planning this event, and if he doesn't show up I'll rip those divorce papers from his briefcase and sign them without any hesitation. The clock is ticking down, and so is my patience. I can only hold it together for so long. Truth be told, I think I deserve an award for the things I've put up with. I should have cornered Seth months ago and demanded answers. I should have beaten the truth from him.

If I'd made an effort to find out our problems the very moment I sensed something was off, then maybe we could have fixed things before we ripped ourselves apart. Now we're just dangling in front of each other like two trapeze performers swinging back and forth, ready to clasp hands together. Only, we've lost momentum and with each sway, we grow further and further apart. Soon, we'll just be suspended aimlessly with no way of escaping this nightmare and no way of getting back to each other. I definitely don't wish that upon myself.

I've been giving myself pep talks all week, encouraging myself on the best route for solving our marriage problems. I've come up with one plan after the other, but there's just something about planning these kinds of things that makes it feel less genuine. I don't want to sound like a robot when I confess my feelings and love for Seth. So, with the purpose of just letting my heart speak when the opportunity presents itself, I do my best to keep my mind off this weekend.

Only, that's hard to do when you're worrying over the possibility of the other member not even remembering it. I told Seth about this weeks ago. I told him to save the date, and instead of doing as I'd asked, he not only forgot about it, he hasn't even bothered to come home at all. I honestly don't think he's stepped foot through the front door for two days. Even when I go out for errands, I return to an untouched house. No new dirty dishes, so damp towel hanging on the hook in the bathroom.

What's bothered me the very most though...

His missing toothbrush.

Now, to be fair, he did mention that I probably wouldn't be seeing him much these past few days. I guess I just didn't expect that to mean I wouldn't be seeing him at all. But I won't lie, the absent toothbrush has my suspicions on high alert. I hope with every molecule in my body that Tracy isn't the reason behind his absence. The idea of him getting his fix of her so that he can survive their weekend apart has me shriveling up into a wounded puddle of jealousy.

I'm driving myself crazy. I just need to forget Seth for two minutes and enjoy my life, but he consumes my every thought. It's disgusting how overly obsessed I am, but can anyone really blame me? He's mine. He promised me that. He promised himself to me until death parts us. The idea of him breaking that promise does not sit well in my mind, in my gut, or in my heart.

This has got to stop.

To keep myself from going mad, I head outside to my small garden. Everything's in full bloom this time of year and I realize just how beautiful the vibrant colors of yellow, red, and orange are when they're mixed together. I take my time weeding out my flower bed, throwing unwanted growth into a small pile at my side.

I should have done this sooner. Who knew that gardening could be so freaking relaxing? I've always loved nature and the outdoors, but I haven't done this in a long time. It feels like sipping iced tea on a summer day: cool and refreshing. My soul needs this.

When I'm finished, I sit back on my heels and point my face towards the sky, letting the sun drip into my pores and awakening tiny sparks of happiness. The sparks don't last long, but at that moment they're like honey to a raw throat.