Treacherous {Louis Tomlinson}

(23) Lifeline

So....I know it's been almost a month since updating, but I keep meaning to and then things just come up. Sorry! It's here now, though! I'm hoping this long chapter will make up for it. Hope you enjoy. :)

Clara.

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*Louis*

   I don’t want to accept what I know is inevitable. She’s gone. Forever. I just don’t understand! What went wrong? What would make Harper just disappear with next to no explanation? I let out a deep sigh just as Harry sits down beside me. I feel his arm around my shoulders and I lean into him. We’d been searching all morning, me with Niall and Harry, Zayn, and Liam in another group. All of us had returned to my house empty-handed.

    “I’m sorry, Lou. We searched everywhere we could. There’s no sign of her anywhere.”

    “I just…I don’t understand.”

    My voice is barely above a whisper. Confusion, worry, anger, longing—they all ball together in my stomach, making me feel a bit nauseous. Something hot spikes at my eyes and I realize that they’re tears. No. I won’t cry over this. I refuse. Harry tightens his grip on me and I bite my lip.

    “Neither do we. I’m sorry,” he says again.

    “Stop apologizing, Haz,” I say with a sigh. Sitting up, I get off the sofa and tuck my hands into my pockets. “It’s not like you made her leave. I—I’ll be fine.”

    I scowl at the carpet a moment and Harry stands up as well, putting a hand on my shoulder.

    “I know you really cared about her. Maybe someday this will all make sense. Everything happens for a reason, right?”

    “You’re starting to bloody sound like Zayn.” I groan. He chuckles, squeezing my shoulder.

    “You know where to find me if you need to talk.”

    I nod before turning and walking upstairs to my bedroom. Loneliness presses in against me. It’s odd, really. I’ve got my four best mates around me, but I still feel as though my world will always be a little bit darker. Harper brought a light that I hadn’t even noticed. Not until she was gone. I grunt in frustration and drag a hand through my flattened hair. I try not to think of her, but the harder I try the more I’m reminded of her face. Her chocolate brown eyes, her soft brown hair. The radiant smile that I’d always managed to draw out of her, no matter what mood she was in. And her laugh—her beautiful, melodic laugh. I miss her. More than I thought it was possible to miss someone. It’s only been a day and a half and I already long for her to come back. But she isn’t. She isn’t and there’s nothing I can do.

    If I had told her I love her, would that have changed anything? Would she still be here? I know I should stop beating myself up over it, but I can’t help having doubts. Is there something I could have done? Anything? I decide to take a shower to try and ride my body of its stiffness. As the hot water pours down around me, I finally allow the tears I’ve been holding back to slide down my face. There’s an ache in my chest; a huge gaping hole where the piece that belongs to Harper used to be. She took it with her, I think. I’m almost certain that no matter what happens now, or in the future, it will always be missing. Harper will always be a part of me. I won’t ever forget her, how she made me feel happier than anyone ever has. There isn’t anything else we can do and I hate it. She won’t answer my calls; she gave no indication as to where she was going. Nothing. As much as I hate it, I have to accept that she’s gone. Now I just have to find a way to live without her.