This Love, This Hate.

hazard

And after that, I had gone back but she wasn't there

"We don't have to talk.. We don't have to dance.." I mumbled, walking slowly. I missed the bus because I fell asleep in the library and didn't wake up till after ten minutes the bell that dismissed us rang. I didn't see the librarian anywhere and thought it was really strange that she didn't try to wake me. Probably because it seemed like I was laying my head down reading out of my history textbook, so she thought I was studying instead of snoozing..

"Didn't I say I'd so something today..?" I prodded at my memory, desperately trying to recall something important I said.

This happened too often and it ticked me off, I would say something and three minutes later, I had forgotten entirely what I was doing or what I had said.

I sighed, something with Lilia? Most likely..

Ah! I remembered, we were supposed to hang out at the park today! I kinda smiled, pleased I could at least do something right for once and that I was actually going to hang out with someone.

I continued to trudge on the sidewalk, dragging my long legs to the place I called home, thinking about everything an nothing all at once.

Like if a tomato is considered a fruit, would that make ketchup a smoothie?

Or if a building is already built, why is it called that?

And why did the chicken cross the road?

These are serious questions that drive me crazy since I still can't figure out the third one.

And midway through the journey and the cool weather, I realized I didn't want to go home. My mom would force me to stay and do chores or study and make me repeat after her on what sex I am and ramble on about how men want to be women and how woman want to be men is wrong and disgusting.

I didn't want to hear it anymore.

Living in a anti-lgbtqa+ household really sucked at times. But I was managing so far, and the cake my mom would bake every now and then helped my self control. So instead of turning right at the stoplight to go home, I went left to where the park is.

I was at ease. Normally, I would be sweating buckets and gasping for breath because anxiety's a pain in the ass, but I was completely tranquil.

"That's when they smile.." I mumbled more lyrics and sat down at the closest bench, observing my surroundings. Trees, so many trees. Leaves of different shapes and sizes and hues. It was mesmerizing to take in the natural beauty... The sky was filled with gray skies that hurt to look at. I stared anyways. I took my ear buds out as a familiar figure approached.

And the sun came my way.

"S-Sorry, I took so long. I wanted to change my outfit.."

My jaw literally dropped at how flipping kawaii she was. Lilian was dressed in a medium skirt, tights, and a cute oversized sweater. Her mixed tone seemed to glow, her light blue eyes staring anywhere but at me. I regained composure, where is my posture? Oh no.

"It's cool. You look cute." I admitted and looked away, she really did, and her bashful behavior made her that much more adorable.

"T-Thank you!" She beamed and took a seat next to me,"So, uh, why do you have your backpack?"

"Ah, I walked from school to here."

"Why? That's dangerous!"

It's sorts cute how she's concerned over me, I reach over and ruffle her curly hair,"Not for me." I half joked and something inside of me twisted. She was smiling ever so sweetly, her eyes made of blue gold. And that look, I recognized the look.