This Love, This Hate.

work so hard

I yawned tiredly, not looking forward to life in general. It was morning, I always liked mornings since it feels so fresh and beautiful watching the sun begin to rise and looking at the soft multi-colored sky. I blinked a few times and looked over at my alarm clock, the time read 7:47 am. I groaned, I had stayed up late last night reading some KageHina fan fiction, it was really cute since Hinata was oblivious to Kageyama's courting then later it was mutual pining and my heart died of all of the fluff.

I didn't want to be up so early on a Saturday.

But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't fall back asleep. I stared at my ceiling, thinking how I should tell them. Should I really tell them? I wondered. I mean its not like I was hurting anyone, I was just being myself like how people always pressure you into 'not copying others but be your own person.' Then they get mad at you for not being the way you want..

I checked my phone instead, and two people had texted me, my best friend and Lil. I didn't want to open the other user's message, buy I replied to my best friend. I wasn't ready to face her, even through text. My heart was racing and not out of good feelings, more or less it was pounding because of the rising anxiety I felt.

"Ah, fuck it." I muttered and opened the text.

Lilian: Jessie, I feel bad if I hurt you in any way. I'm sorry if I did, and if you're genderfluid hey thats great that's cool you're still a human being and I accept you. Plus I'm bi so I kinda know what panromantic means and asexual, I hope we can still be friends and hang out because you're a really awesome person and you like the same music I do, so please I'm sorry if I offended you in any way...

I don't.

I can't function properly when people are nice to me. I work better when they insult me because I have an insult right back at them on the tip of my tongue. I didn't- I just.

I replied with a few simple words because I couldn't convey how I felt.

Thank you.

Then it happened. I put my phone away and closed my eyes and somehow managed to fall asleep...

-

1 o'clock. There's some knocking at my door. I groggily get up, not captivating what's going on. "Jessie, get up! We're taking you to a psychologist." My mother says outside my room.

"Eh?" I reply, and suddenly go on the defense,"Why?"

"Because I said so. Get up and get ready, make sure to look like what you were born, or else you won't find your phone anytime soon."

Shit. "I don't feel like going.."

"Jessie I'm not playing. He's going to fix you so hurry up!"

I mimicked what she had said in a disrespectful tone under my breath and rebelliously dressed in all black AND a flannel, giving me a masculine impression. I went out of my room, down the stairs to find her and my dad chilling in the living room. I gave them my best, false smile,"I'm ready!"

She pursed her lips at my appearance and gave my father a look as of saying, are you going to do something about our child or what? But he ignored it and got up,"Okay."

-

"Our child acts too strange, too masculine, I don't like it." My mother began, giving her full attention to the psychologist. My father sat nearby, silent. I sat in between both of them, wishing I could be home reading that fan fiction I found last night, it had an amazing plot. See, Iwaizumi Hajime was a police officer and Oikawa Tooru was a reporter and he wanted to get an interview with Iwaizumi plus Bokuto and Kuroo were also police officers and the writers style was too perfect, and there were eighteen chapters total so far, so I was loving the story so far. I could have been home reading it but noooo I was dragged to this. I nodded and added somewhat in a bullying form,"Yep, that's true."