Paper Trails 2 | Draft

5.

"Because sometimes she thinks she was designed to be alone."

*****

I was smiling.

That was a start, right?

It wasn't a fake smile. It wasn't something I slipped on when someone walks into the room so they think I'm approachable. It wasn't something I forced on my face so that people would relax around me.

It was a real, genuine smile.

Raven brought me flaming hot Cheetos.

It was my last day in the hospital (they finally thought I was well enough to go home) and I was fucking ecstatic about it. Day by day, I was eating a little more, and Raven brought me my favorite chips to 'celebrate'. Whatever, it was sweet.

As we walked towards the exit and I munched on my cheetos, I could feel her eyes on me. Finally, I glanced back and raised my eyebrows expectantly.

"How are you?" She asked with hesitation. "Really?"

The smile I was sporting slid off my face, but I replaced it quickly before she could notice—or, at least, think anything of it.

"I'm better. I swear."

*****

I was crying.

I bit down on my sleeve to keep from making a sound, and my eyes squeezed shut. If Raven heard me, she'd come in and it'd all fall apart again.

My hand clutched my stomach as it clenched from sobbing too hard and I rolled over, pressing my face into my pillow. I wanted to scream. I wanted to run. My fingers slipped underneath the hem of my shirt and I touched the scar.

My eyes closed and I pulled my hand back as if it was burned.

My face was slick with tears and I wiped them away before they could dry.

My mouth opened and a small squeak left my lips before I could stop it.

I'm fine.

No you're not.

I'm not broken.

Something is.

*****

"I gotta work. I was thinking maybe you want to come?" She raised her eyebrows in hope, a small smile pushing her cheeks up.

I didn't want to, but I agreed to anyway.

She bartended at this pretty cool club and I guess a few drinks might help take the edge off.

It didn't take me too long to get ready (I threw on some skinny jeans, a tank, and a leather jacket) and before I knew it, we were walking to Fix.

I'd actually only been to Fix once, and that was only because Raven was covering a shift for a friend and I had nowhere better to be. Regardless of my lack of attendance, it was a really nice club. Right in the city, it was pretty popular. Anyone under 21 had practically no chance of getting in (unless they knew the bouncer or the manager) which meant a lot of kids needed to use their fake IDs.