Paper Trails 2 | Draft

10.

Warning ⚠️ emotions, emotions.

"I don't know what it is, but you do things to me. Lovely dark things."

*****

I woke up on the couch. I vaguely remember collapsing on it, and then being out like a light. My head hurt, and I groaned as I sat up.

"Jesus," I grumbled.

"You're awake."

My head snapped to the side as Raven emerged from her room. She smiled hesitantly.

"And you're...here," I said dryly.

"I thought about not coming back. I mean, today, at least. But...it is my home and we should talk, right?"

I stood up, scratching my head. "We have nothing to talk about."

She moved forward. "Our friendship is real, you know. I didn't pretend to like you, or care. How we met may have been a lie, but everything that followed isn't."

"You..." I stammered. "You fucking inserted yourself into my life! I mean, oh my God, do you not even realize how fucked up that is?"

"I understand."

"No, you don't. You knew me before we even met. I don't trust you. I don't want to talk to you, now or ever again. Do you understand?"

"So you're going to leave?" She sounded incredulous.

"Yeah. I guess so."

"And go where?" Her arms crossed over her chest. "You have no job, no home, no money. Are you going to go back to selling yourself on the streets?"

"Fuck you."

"I'm trying to help you, Neila. All I have done is try to help."

"Because Niccolò asked you to."

"Yes! Because he asked me to. Why is that a bad thing? You should be happy he cared enough to ask me to look out for you!"

"Cares enough to—you know what? Fuck you. Fuck him. Fuck this." I grabbed my boots and tugged one on. "You don't get it. You don't get any of it. Niccolò does not care about me, or anyone. If he did, I would have never gotten shot. He would have never left me in the snow next to a dead body. I wouldn't have died for two fucking minutes! He doesn't care. I was a means to an end. I was an opportunity. I was collateral damage. Sending you was either a way to twist the knife a little more, or a way to clear his guilty fucking conscious. But let's not pretend he gives a fuck about what happens to me."

She watches as I forcefully tugged on my other boot. I grabbed my jacket from the side of the couch and threw it on, heading towards the door. Just as my hand touched the doorknob, she spoke up.

"He was scared."

I stopped. Everything stopped.

"I've known him for four years. And he has done questionable things. He is not a good man, and I won't pretend that he is. There is not much in this world he cares about. And when I met him, he scared me too."

I turned around, my hand falling to my side.

"He's scary. It's scary knowing you could care for someone like that. It's scary knowing that someone who could potentially ruin you and break you...has a part of you. I know you're scared, Neila. But in the four years that I've known him, I have never seen him scared. I have never seen him cry. I didn't know he was capable of fearing anything."