Wish Upon A Star

Revelations

I wake up and my cheeks are still damp from last night. I'm warm, too warm and my head is heavy and clouded.

Those pills really knocked me for six.

I pull myself into a sitting position forcing myself against the gravity that I feel is weighing me down to the ground.

I look round and Elvis is sleeping peacefully next to me. I cock my eyebrow upwards and am upset with myself to feel surprise that he is here sleeping with me and not Pricilla.

He's your boyfriend, but her baby's father.

I have no idea who I would choose so I can't imagine how Elvis is feeling right now. I keep looking at him and his features that are soft in sleep.

He kissed her. He loves her.

I frown at him then angry again about the whole situation. I can understand the confusion that comes with this situation but I'd rather him just call it off if he doesn't know what he wants. I close my eyes and rub my temples hard to try to clear the fog the pills have left.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I press one side of my nose closed as I put the rolled up five pound note in the other. Then I snort up the three lines of white power ready and waiting for me on my desk.

"What are you doing?" Ben asks from the bed.

"Having a little pick me up before lectures today. What does it look like?" I throw back at him over my shoulder while trying to swallow down the after taste.

"Dawn, I think you've got a problem babe. First the sleeping pills, now this. Where's it gonna end?" Concern was seeping into his voice but it only irritated me.

"What are you talking about? It was you that got me into all this shit. I'm fine. You still do it all too."

"Not every fucking day. Jesus Dawn. It was for fun not a lifestyle. You'll end up like your guy Elvis if you're not careful."

"That's not true, his time was different, it's no big deal now. But, I'll be better, I promise." I sufficiently distract him by getting up and straddling him in bed before kissing him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I sigh letting all the air out of my lungs. I feel deflated and defeated. I don't know if I can keep up this pretence for another 5 months and more to keep up appearances about the marriage.

I don't look back at Elvis as I get up and head for the bathroom.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

I watch as Dawn stumbles her way to the bathroom without looking back at me. I'd been watching her through my eyelashes. She looked so upset and lost in thought.

Why did I say those things? Why did I let Cilla kiss me?

I stretch out and look over to the bedside table that had my pills on it. I really look at them. The pills I use to get me to sleep have considerably less in than they're meant to.

She's been trying to get me off 'em. Like Cilla.

Anger rushes through me then and I'm wide awake, the fog from the pills completely disappearing. I sit up and tip the remaining pills out into my hand and count them. There were definitely less than there should be.

How dare she.

I'm beyond mad, I'm furious. I let myself seethe while I wait for her to come out of the bathroom. Eventually she emerges.