Raise a Glass to Freedom

Its only a matter of time

Historical Lams! Alexander sees an apparition of Laurens the night before the duel

Alex's POV

"Hey. Best of wives and best of women," I said to Eliza. She smiled a half smile and walked back to bed. She didn't realize the full weight of my words. It killed me that she didn't know until it was far too late. I was scared. I had to admit it, I was downright terrified to go into this duel. I didn't want to die. There had been so many times in my life when I had desperately wanted to die but now wasn't one of them.

I settled into bed, trying to quiet my mind. I tossed and turned  and worried. I felt myself falling into the depths of sleep, an unhappy restless sleep. And then I heard a whisper, soft and comforting.

"Alexander."

I'm dreaming, I ignored it.

"Alexander."

Just a dream.

"Baby girl."

There was only one person who ever called me that. I slowly opened my eyes, "John?" And there he was, kneeling at the foot of my bed.

"Baby girl. So you've finally run out of time. I've missed you."

"What's happening? Am I dead?" He crawled forward, placing a finger on my lips. "It's just a dream." The feeling of him was so familiar and comforting.

"Am I dead?" I asked into the dark. 

"No, baby girl, not yet," he whispered. "But you're running out of time."

"I loose this duel, don't I?"

"Yes."

He lay beside me as we listened to the sounds of each other's breaths. Waves of joy washed over me as I remembered every piece I loved that I had buried with him all those years ago. The melodic tones of his voice, the way he tied up his hair, the feel of his hands against mine, his lips against mine. "I love you." I whispered. "I love you more," he whispered back, gently kissing my face. There we lay through the night, cuddling, kissing, just being there with each other. It was the happiest I remember being in a long, long time.

But, all dreams come to an end and soon the morning light came streaming in through the window and I knew it was time to go.

"You have to wake up, Alexander, its time."

"One last kiss."

He held my head in his hands, gently kissing the end of my nose then down to my lips. I never wanted it to end. When he pulled away from me he stared at me intently, as if he wanted to take in enough of me before I had to leave him.

"But I want to stay here forever with you," I protested.

"I'll be waiting on the other side."

I paused, desperate for any additional seconds I could have with him.

"Does it hurt?"

"To die?"

"To die," I confirmed.

"No. It's just like..." His voice trailed off.

"Falling asleep?" I suggested.

"Yeah. Just like falling asleep."

There was another silence.

"I don't want to go." I sounded childish.

"I know, baby girl, but I'll be right here, waiting for you on the other side."

"Promise?"

"I promise with all of my heart."

"..."

"I love you," he said.

"I love you more," I replied.

"Now wake up."

And wake up I did. Suddenly there was no John in my bed, only the sunlight coming in through the window, reminding me of my impending demise. I picked up the pistol left on my bedside table the night before. It had ornate carvings and a delicate shape. This was the gun that Philip used. Philip never hurt a soul, he must have been so scared. I felt tears coming. I'll see Philip on the other side, I told myself. I stepped outside.

And then I'm in the carriage destined for Weehawken.

And then I'm on the dueling ground. Burr stands in front of me.

He raises his gun. They're counting to ten.

Using every once of courage John gave me, I raise my gun toward the sky.

I throw away my shot.

I hear a bang.

I feel pain.

I think I'm on the ground.

I'm in a boat being rowed across the Hudson.

I'm in a carriage. Is it the same one that took me here?

I'm in the guest bedroom of Angelica's house.

Our children are gathered around me.

Angelica is crying.

Eliza holds my hand.

The doctor looks worried.

Everything hurts.

My breathing gets slower,

and slower.

My breathing stops.

Eliza squeezes my wrist.

I'm going to miss her.

And then darkness.

Silence.

"Baby girl."

He's there, standing in front of me. And I know everything is going to be alright.