A Beautiful Mess

Chapter 14

Cole stepped away from her, and it was the hardest thing that he had ever had to do. He had wanted to take what she had offered, he had wanted to take it when she had offered it four years ago, but then it had been easier to say no because he had believed that she was devious. Now, he was almost sure she wasn't, and that made it harder, but he had to be entirely sure.

He had let his desire control him once before, with Bridget, and it hadn't ended well. He wasn't going to travel that same road again. Granted, he hadn't exactly been celibate since Bridget, but his heart had never been involved. Now it was. Having seen her standing in that house, with the light shining on her; it had been one of those moments in a person's life when you know the answer to a question with total certainty.

He was certain that he was in love with Sydney Mitchell, and it couldn't compare to what he had felt for Bridget. It was deeper more all-consuming than that. When she had taken his hand, he had felt connected to her. An afternoon spent in her arms would have been perfect, but he couldn't do that to her. He couldn't ask her to trust him when he still didn't wholly trust her.

Some would argue that love and trust were one in the same, and maybe they were.

He leaned against his truck taking a deep, steadying breath. Why wouldn't Sydney just tell him why she was there? It would solve everything. He knew she was hiding something, he could sense it, and he had to know what it was before he could show her that he loved her. She would have seen right through him if he had succumbed in that bedroom and she couldn't know he loved her. If she found out, she would be able to destroy him. Bridget had come close, but she hadn't succeeded. Sydney would succeed, he was sure of that too.

He watched as she slowly closed the door behind her and joined him at the truck without saying a word. Frustrated, he threw open the door, climbing in and she followed his lead without saying a word. There was a heavy silence that filled the truck as they sat unmovingly, only the dog's gentle snores from the back seat broke it.

"Sydney-" Cole began, but she cut him off before he could say anything, not that he knew what he had been about to say.

"It's fine Dr. Easton. I must have read the signals wrong. I let the romance of the house get to me. It won't happen again."

Cole was crushed that she had called him Dr. Easton. He knew that they were back to square one and it was all his fault. He looked over at her rigid body as she stared out of the windshield at the house.

He wished to God that he knew what she was thinking.

*******

She was so glad that he didn't know what she was thinking. She was crushed, all she wanted to do was go crawl in a hole and lick her wounds in private. She loved him, and she had let her heart take over her head. She had thought that he was interested in her, and maybe physically he was, but he didn't want to have anything to do with her otherwise. He had always made that clear. It was true, the house had taken hold of her imagination, and she had, for an instant, seen the two of them as something more.

She should have learned her lesson long ago. No man could love a Plain Jane like herself, especially not a man like Cole. He was so handsome and wealthy, he had everything going for him and could have any woman he wanted. Why would he want her?

"We should get back to the trailer. I have to make my hours this week." They were still sitting in the truck, but Cole hadn't started it. "Please," she whispered a few moments later when they were still sitting in silence.

"Sydney-" he said softly.

"No!" Her voice was loud in the truck, and the dogs lifted their heads at the suddenness of it. "You're not the first man...this isn't..." She couldn't finish.

"I'm not the first man to what Sydney?"

"You're not the first man to be interested in my body but not necessarily me. I've had it explained to me in the past, in great detail, exactly how I'm not the long-term commitment type. I'm good for a good time, but that's all." She wiped a tear from her cheek. When had she started crying?

Cole's hands had tightened on the steering wheel, and they were clenching it so tightly they had turned white.

"You don't have to feel bad about it Dr. Easton. At least you respected me enough to say no and walk away."

"Other's haven't, I take it?" His voice held absolutely no emotion.

"No, others haven't." They continued to sit in silence for a few more minutes. "Please, Dr. Easton, can we go now?"

To her relief, he started the truck.

*******

Cole was livid. He wanted to strangle whoever had placed the idea that Sydney wasn't loveable in her head, and he wanted to shake her and tell her that he loved her and that was why he had walked away, but he couldn't. He had to think. He had to figure out what his options were. He was frustrated that Sydney had to be hurt in the process. Maybe if he could get her to open up and share he would find some of the answers that he needed.

Cole looked over at her still form. She was staring out the window watching the passing scenery. He had a feeling that he had almost had it all and he had let it slip through his fingers, and he was afraid that it might have been his only chance.

The first thing he would do was track down Paige Dunning and find out exactly what she knew. There had been an exchange between them at the well that led him to believe that she knew something. If he couldn't get his answers from Sydney, he would get them from Paige.