The Wrong Nerd In Space

ACT 1 SCENE 1

SAM
Andy, Andy, Andy! ANDY! WAKE THE HELL UP!

ANDY
(hesitates and wakes up laying on the floor)

WHO WERE WHEN? AM I MARRIED TO THE WOMAN
OF MY DREAMS?

SAM

Uh, no? You're still on the ship, with me, and

those guys.

(points at the aliens)
We are still captured here.

ANDY
Ughhhh
(hides her face)

Can it get worse?

ALIEN 1
Hey, you, black or orange or...

Whataver your hair is! Go and fix
the reactors-

ANDY
They ain't reactors, they are-

ALIEN 1
I DON'T CARE WHAT THEY ARE!
GO AND FIX THEM! RIGHT NOW-

ANDY
But-

ALIEN 1

FIX IT!
(walks out)

SAM
Geez, today is not your day
(laughs while looking

away)

ANDY

I lowkey want to choke
you. You know that,

right?

SAM
Just like my big brother

used to say.

(takes a deep breath)
SUFFER

ANDY

(looks at Sam with straight
face)

Dude, seriously?

SAM

You're not the only one
trying to be funny,

you know?! And why is

that straight face? I thou-

ANDY

(grabs Sam by the arms
and starts shaking him frantically)

I AM NOT STRAIGHT!

SAM

Yeah, it's obvious because, you can't

even think straight or do anything
straight.. I mean...

ANDY
And what about you? You are

one of those... Who believes in-

the... Um...

SAM
Gay love

ANDY
(gasps sarcastically)

Oh, would ya look at that?! What

a shame. God will punish you!

SAM
(sarcastically)

Oh no, I will be punished. Lord,

forgive me for the sins I've never

ever ever ever done.

ANDY
(brusts out laughing)

ALIEN 1

(walks back to them)
I THINK I SAID SOMETHING

ANDY

(sighs) Ok, ok, geez

No need to

(sees a random bug passing by)
Bug it out

(smirks)

SAM

(chuckled behind ALIEN 1)

ALIEN 1

(points the room)

GO AND FIX IT

(both Andy and Sam walk inside the room

to fix what they needed to)