ruin { yandere x f!reader } [finished]

ii . memory

"I did this for your sake."―did what?

"This is all your fault."―what is?

"I'm still here with you. I love you."―who?

***

Stirring and squirming in her bed, (first name)'s eyes shot open and she quickly sat up on her bed―another bad dream as so often in the past weeks. Breathing heavily, sweat running down her forehead, the air around her being unbearably hot, she slowly came back to her senses. She sighed deeply, a hand on her head trying to contain the strong headache that was spreading. She looked at the clock on the night table next to her―half past two in the morning. She did not even remember how she had got into bed. What the hell was that? she thought to herself, referring to the voice she had heard in her dream. Then, she looked to the other side of the bed and saw her boyfriend peacefully sleeping next to her.

Was that your voice in my dream? What is my fault? What have I done?

Just in time, Touya's eyes fluttered open―probably because of (first name)'s noisy movements beneath the sheets. Half asleep, he turned around and examined his surroundings before slowly sitting up on the bed next to his girlfriend, seeing her awake. "(first name)?" he asked drowsily as his hand reached out for her. He put his onto her cheek and caressed it. "Why are you awake? Are you feeling worse?" He seemed worried―worried about what?

Huh? Feeling worse? What's he talking about?

"I just felt thirsty, so I wanted to get some water," she lied to prevent Touya from worrying even more. "Okay, I'll get some for you," he replied, placed a kiss onto her forehead and stood up from the bed to get her a glass of water. Usually, (first name) would insist that she could go herself and tell him that she was not a child that needed to be taken care of, but right now she did not mind being pampered. Lately, she started hearing strange conversations that had never happened or discussions with people she did not recognize. In the beginning she shrugged them off as weird dreams, but eventually they had become oddly personal―she would recognize parts of the dream, but not the other half―they felt more like forgotten memories than dreams.

Is it because I am so anxious about the upcoming anniversary of their death? Is that the reason why I keep having these weird dreams?

A few minutes later, Touya came back into the bedroom with a glass of water in one hand and some kind of tablet in the other. "Here, I brought you some aspirin. I know you're not fond of taking pills, but those might help you," he explained and handed the things over. "Thanks, mom," she said and took the tablet together with the water. She placed the glass onto the nightstand next to her when she was finished. Suddenly, a wave of sorrow overcame her at the word mom. "Are you thinking about that?" Touya asked, almost whispering when he sat back on the bed. He received a nod from the other and protectively put an arm around her, pulling her closer. "It's going to be okay, (first name)," he soothed while drawing circles on her shoulder with his thumb. "I'm still here with you. I love you. Now don't think too much about it," he finished and laid down onto the bed, patting the empty space next to him. (first name) gave in and crawled into his welcoming arms.

I'm still here with you. I love you.

***

"Huh? W-what were you saying?"

The next day, (first name) found herself in university. During a break between lectures, she was having a friendly chat with her friend Kana in a small café on campus, but it seemed like she was spacing out―as so often lately. "(nickname), you weren't listening again!? What the heck did Occhan and you do after I had left, why are you so disoriented?" Kana inquired in a teasing way, nudging her friend in the arm who was not amused at all.

"What the hell are you implying, you perv?" The other sternly glared at her friend. "Also, what do you mean after 'you had left'? Were you over yesterday?" She frowned, leaving her friend speechless for a moment. "Huh? You don't remember?! Seriously, whatever Occhan is doing with you, he sure is... kinky," Kana said, ruffling her hair. "I came over and you got strong headaches and then―," she was interrupted by (first name) who laughed into her fist. "Well, that explains it, no?" she said, hoping her friend would understand. Kana just rolled her eyes, "Very funny, (nickname)! Anyways! You went to bed and then I left, remember now?"

There was a short silence between the friends―they just kept looking at each other. Kana could practically see and hear the gears working hard in (first name)'s brain, however, what (first name) saw was nothing―everything was just blank.

"If I think about it," she spoke up. "I don't remember anything from yesterday. It's like... it had never existed." After finishing her sentence, she tried exerting her memory one more time, but nothing. (first name) could feel herself getting anxious. Why could she not remember anything? Why was everything just blank? It was scary, truly scary. What if one day she woke up and did not remember who she was? Or Touya?

"Hey, are you okay? You're scaring me, (nickname). Suffering from amnesia?" Kana asked, trying to ease the tense atmosphere. She put a hand on her friend's shoulder as a sign of support. (first name) remained silent. She was trying to look for the right words to tell Kana about what was going on, but finally she opened up. "You see," she let out a big sigh before continuing. "The anniversary of my family's death is coming up, so I guess I'm a bit out of it." She let out an awkward laugh once she had finished, trying to reassure herself―yeah, it had to be because of this. Kana, on the other hand, was taken aback. (first name) had never mentioned anything of that before. It took her a while to comprehend her friend's words and reply something. "Y-Your family... is dead? Why have you never mentioned any of that?!" She was surprised, but immediately regretted asking―obviously, she would not want to talk about something like that.

"Well, it hasn't come up in any of our conversations before. Also, it's really hard to talk about this, don't you think?" (first name) replied, her voice trailing off as she buried her face in the palm of her hand. "Yeah, you're right. I-I'm sorry, (nickname)," Kana apologized and looked flustered, noticing her mistake. Then, she grabbed her friend's free hand and clutched it tightly in her own two. "If you ever want to talk about it, please tell me! You... you can trust me, alright? We're friends after all!" she said gently and smiled to show her friend that she could rely on her. (first name) lifted her head, turning her attention to Kana and softly squeezed her hands back.

"Thanks, Kana. Maybe another time."

----------

[ last edited: 21/12/29 ]

[ word count: 1201 ]