fools | ᴶᴴˢ × ᴷᴺᴶ

七

ㅡ ❝oh, our lives don't collide; I'm aware of this.❞

ㅡ

He wasn't really sure how much time had passed, however it must have been longer than ten minutes at least. He didn't really care though. About half an hour ago he had returned to his apartment from yet another night out with his friends. This evening had been a little weird as Jimin and Yoongi behaved rather strangely around each other. Well, they were broken up after all. Their breakup had surprised Hoseok just as much as the others, however out of the little group of friends he was the only one who actually knew why Jimin had broken up with Yoongi. Until now not even Yoongi knew the reason why. Hoseok had been shocked at first, however he was pretty sure if Jimin just talked to Yoongi then everything would just turn out fine and they could be together again. Hoseok wasn't blind, he saw how much Yoongi loved Jimin and how much the latter loved him in return. However, no matter what decisions Jimin would make in the future, Hoseok promised to always help the younger as they were basically as close as brother would be.

The time he had spent with Namjoon before the others came to get them was really great. They had had a great time together and laughed at some things. At some point they had even been able to talk about their past, the past they shared, but both of them felt rather awkward while doing so, hurt even. Anyways, Hoseok had really loved spending time together with Namjoon so much and it even felt like they had never broken up. During some moments Hoseok had even forgotten about their breakup and started to behave like he used to when they had still been a couple. Obviously, Namjoon had sometimes forgotten about the fact as well as he would sit down beside Hoseok, putting his arm behind Hoseok on top of the backrest, smiling that beautiful smile Hoseok had always loved so damn much. There had even been a minute when Hoseok had leant his head against Namjoon's shoulder and Namjoon had pulled him to his chest. At that very moment everything had seemed just fine. Both of them had forgotten about all the pain, but too soon they had been pulled back into present as they noticed what they were doing. From then on both of them had been oddly aware pf the other, always cautious of what they were doing around each other.

However, in the end they worked out just like they had used to in the past and Hoseok loved each moment of it. But, no matter how much he enjoyed spending time with Namjoon, getting lost in their past or what was left of it, in the end he had to face reality. No matter how much he disliked it.

While Hoseok wasn't even working properly anymore Namjoon was the one who was working off his ass, always trying to be better than anyone else and to get the world to know him. Hoseok envied him for that fire, for his passion. However, as much as he envied him he also knew that this fire was only able to burn due to Hoseok's absence. It hurt, but it was the truth.

In the past Namjoon hadn't been able to stay at his studio all night. He had had to get back home to Hoseok in order to cuddle with him and reassure him that he loved him and that he would always be the only one for Namjoon. Namjoon had been the one to keep Hoseok together, not he himself, he hadn't been able to do it by himself. Every time Hoseok thought back to those nights he felt guilt rising inside him, rushing through his veins like thick, burning liquid. He had been the one holding Namjoon back. It was his fault and he had no idea if he would ever be able to make it up to the younger. Leaving him was at least some kind of start, even if it hurt, even if it hurt not only him but Namjoon as well, it was for the younger's best. Hoseok was pretty sure of it.

It hurt so damn much, but in the end his own life and Namjoon's were so different, they didn't really much. Yes, they had managed to work it out together, but Hoseok had been too weak, too afraid of losing Namjoon and that was what was holding Namjoon back. Hoseok had had no other choice but to let him go. Namjoon eventually would have realized it by himself one day.