fools | ᴶᴴˢ × ᴷᴺᴶ

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ㅡ ❝we've got differences and impulses.❞

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Thinking back to all the time they had spent together probably wasn't the best thing to do, but Hoseok simply couldn't keep himself from doing so anyways. Most of the time the memories triggered him to fall more and more into that darkness that slowly bloomed inside him again, but sometimes it helped him, gave him some kind of hope.

Sometimes he even enjoyed thinking back to all those days he and Namjoon had spent in happiness even though they had been pretty different. It hadn't been easy to learn to deal with all of the other's habits, characteristics and behavior, but eventually they had managed to work it all out. Because, at the end of the day they loved each other and no matter what had happened, it was all worth learning to deal with it. And before they had become a couple they had been friends for a really long time and due to that they had known from the very beginning what both of them were about to get themselves into. They had always known they were different, but in that special, different, new kind of way it had been flawless. It had been perfect. Their love had been perfect.

Namjoon had been that clumsy boy, either destroying stuff, even though he didn't intend to, or hurting himself at the most random times and due in the most unbelievable situations. Hoseok had usually been the one to take care of either his injuries or whatever the younger had managed to destroy that time. Hoseok would laugh each time, shaking his head as he hadn't been able to believe it once more. While Namjoon was passionate about his music, Hoseok had always been passionate about his dancing. Well, those two passions combined could rather count as one of those things that worked out perfectly fine from the very beginning. Namjoon had often produced songs Hoseok had been able to dance to, using Namjoon's song in order to work his own magic. While Namjoon used pens, computers, instruments and his voice for his magic, Hoseok simply made it happen with his body.

Hoseok remembered the way Namjoon had always loved to watch him dance, how he would always compliment him. And while Hoseok was basically a genius in the field of dancing, Namjoon couldn't dance to save his life. Namjoon had often begged Hoseok to teach him some moves and Hoseok had always happily accepted to help the younger, even though he knew Namjoon would probably end up hurting himself again. Those memories actually managed to cause Hoseok to smile while he was staring out of his window, down to the street and completely lost in his thoughts.

He also enjoyed remembering all those times when he had been sick and Namjoon had been taking care of him in the sweetest way possible. Hoseok had always felt so loved, so save. Most of the time Namjoon had been the one who ended up in his bed, sick with a terrible fever just as Hoseok finally got better again. It had been funny how their sick bodies managed to actually gift them some time they could spent together, cuddling four hours between hills of used tissues and heavy coughing. During those days both of them hadn't been able to go to work and just decided to make the best of it. They hadn't really been caring about getting the other one sick again in return, because the kisses they shared were all they needed to get healthy again.

Of course there had been way more difference between them, after all they were two independent human beings, however they had worked it out just fine. Namjoon had used to drink a whole lot of alcohol and even used to smoke for some time, but had stopped it after he realized it was making Hoseok feel sick. Hoseok had never been one to drink alcohol more than needed, or like on a daily base, and due to that he hadn't really been able to deal with Namjoon's drunk state. Or when he had been reeking like an ashtray. And then again Namjoon hadn't always been able to deal with Hoseok's depressions even though he had had to deal with them a long time before they had become a couple. When they had been just friends Namjoon had always helped him through it, had tried everything to make the slightly older male smile again. However, after Namjoon had realized how he truly felt for Hoseok it had been hard for him to see Hoseok in pain an in that constant sad and self-destructive kind of state. Each time Hoseok's state had triggered Namjoon's state to take the same turn downwards and that was something Namjoon really hadn't been able to deal with. They had talked about it, several times, but eventually Hoseok had decided to go through therapy. It had helped him a lot. Namjoon had helped him a lot, had probably been the main reason why Hoseok had gotten much better after all.

And now, Hoseok really didn't want to fall back into that kind of state, not after he and Namjoon had been working so hard to get him out of the darkness that was waiting for him again. He wasn't going to give up, even though giving up was so much easier than continuing to fight.