late night thoughts

02/11/17

I know the last part was deep and shit but I reaaaalllyyy want to talk about yesterday. Okay so hopefully you remember the part before when I was talked about the whole movies thing and how I didn't want to go but was anyway. Well I did and it was so much funnnn! Also I completely recommend to watch "Rings" as well. It's kinda sad but you'll at least get a good laugh out of this. Anyway--actually I'm gonna start off by saying I did illegal actions yesterday sooo
Alright so yesterday morning I got up at I think 9 o'clock because I couldn't go back to sleep, but I didn't actually get up until 11 or so of course. When I did I went to the bathroom, did what needed to be taken care of in there, figured out i got a gift from mother nature last night, and actually made breakfast. I had peanut butter toast with a banana, preferably the one my mom told me not to eat •u• I'm such a great daughter. After that I had to wash my nasty gym clothes and other clothing, then I painted my nails, plucked my horrible eyebrows, went on the computer for a while; got dressed, put my face on; and I don't remember what happened after that.

My friend messaged me and said she was finally on the way so I put my shoes on. She got there. We picked up her boyfriend. I listened to slipknot. We picked up my boyfriend. Totally didn't cuddle in the car. Then we got to the movies to met up with one of our friends cx. We acquired our tickets, popcorn, and a drink to share because that shit is expensive. Gave da lady our tickets, watched the movie, made commentary and had a good ol' time together, then when it was over I ran to take a massive piss.

When getting back outside the bathroom I thought they had left so I flipped the fuck out for a sec then realized they were just behind the corner. We talked for a few minutes and just had a good time together. People probably think I'm dating two people now but that's okay lol. Then we left. Cuddles, talking, and kisses in da car cxx. Got to my friends house, we had pizza, and unfortunately one of my friends had to leave, so we said our goodbyes, and continued on with eating our pizza. The guys wanted to do the bean boozled challenge so they did while we laughed as they almost threw up. Ew.

We listened to music loudly for a while and I sang while boyfriend was struggling since his stomach was in a knot from all the mixed tastes from the challenge <~> my poor bb. We sat there and talked for a while then my friend's mom had brought out a wine cooler, giving my friend the idea to tell her to get more so we could play some games and stuff. While her mom went to the store we jumped on the trampoline(think I spelled that right), played dead man for a while, until we got to a point where we had all fallen into cuddling positions(separate couples of course), and just stayed there for a while. Just cuddling, a few kisses here and there, listening to slipknot, and talking. Also my boyfriend trying to pry me off of him xD which consisted of awkward almost-lying-on-top-of-him moments. Then right when we got comfortable listening to the song we wanted to, of course her mom had to come back right then. My boyfriend and I stayed outside for a little longer. His head on my stomach, me playing with his hair, while we just talked and listened to music. I legitimately could've stayed out there like that forever. It was so perfect. But of course as usual someone had to butt in and ruin it completely ruining my mood.

Anyway, we got the wine coolers, and played a game that I forgot the name of. We each had seven cards, her mom laid out the left over cards face down, she turned them over, and if you had that number you could either say "fuck you,(the persons name)" and make them drink or just say their name and they had to drink. The concept of the game was to see who finishes their drink first. Then it just turned into a really fun game without anyone caring who won or lost. Like I'm not gonna lie it was fun. It's just that when the game was somewhat over, my boyfriend looked so upset. I mean I was too because I was thinking about how we'd have to leave, but he looked more upset than me, and that's saying something. He looked as if everything had come crumbling down within a second and it hurt to see that. Then when he looked at me...he looked fine like he'd never known what the word stressed meant. He got closer to me, sat in my sit with me even, and just let me bury my head in his chest. He didn't say a word, just kissed my forehead, and listened to the music playing. He did talk, though, after a while because my friend's boyfriend really likes to talk to him, but I could tell he didn't want to talk. I could tell he just wanted to do anything but that, so I tightened my grip on him continuing on with my singing as he talked. Then we sang a song together until my friend's boyfriend was like "let's play guitar hero" so we did. It wasn't as fun. I just wanted to go back onto the trampoline tbh but my boyfriend reeeaally likes playing it so I didn't say anything.

After one last song...it was time to leave and I didn't even move from my spot I was that upset at that very moment. I made it so much more difficult for everyone else just because I couldn't move from my spot. My boyfriend walked over there, got my friend's dog off of me, and put his head on my knee(I was on my friend's couch in a ball btw). He didn't say anything he just gave me this look that was screaming 'please get up.' I couldn't, though, even with all of my power I couldn't. After a minute or so he moved his head closer to my face and said "please...I know you can get up." I just looked at him and almost broke down. He sighed and said he had to go to the bathroom. I finally got up, picked up my shoes, then my friend's cat started playing with the shoelaces so I screamed "stop it" not realizing my boyfriend was still there, I said "sorry was talking to the cat." He walked into the bathroom. I put my shoes on as he walked out. I put my jacket on gave him his stuff and continued on my way out. I then realized right as I got into the car I had to pee so I said sorry and went to the bathroom, did my business in there, then poked my head out to see if anyone was there so I could sing to myself get in order before walking back out. I got in the car, cuddled up to my boyfriend as he talked, I didn't say anything just tried my best to enjoy the moment. As I had looked out of the window I realized she was dropping me off first so I lied back and tightened my grip on my boyfriend.

We got to my house, he kissed me, walked me to my door, said goodbye then kissed me again, and said I love you. He walked away saying "I'll message you when I get home. If you're awake that is," I slightly let out a laugh, but not really able to be ecstatic at the fact that I know he really won't, so I just said "okay," waving goodbye. Got into my house, turned the porch light off, closed the door, and bolted to my room as I felt myself breaking down. I didn't have the energy to even move when I had finally gotten onto my bed so I just laid there with my eyes closed saying "it's okay. Don't be so upset you had a good day that's all that matters" until my mom turned off the only source of light by closing her door to go to sleep. Which meant I had to get up, so surprisingly I did. I got up, turned on my light, took off my makeup, put my sweatpants and flannel my boyfriend gave to me on, went to the bathroom because bloody Niagara falls happened as I got up. Then I stayed up until two because I couldn't get myself to sleep, no matter how tired I felt. Knowing the one you love isn't going to message you when he said he would, hurts a lot to me considering this isn't the first time, so that's hard to sleep on. I ended up sleeping with my TV on and cried myself to sleep. Other than all the sadness, I had a fun time yesterday.