late night thoughts

Fuck anxiety..

Six days. In six days your boyfriend will be losing and/or leaving his house. Why do I feel like he's leaving forever? Like he'll drive away and never turn back?
He'd never do that but why do I think he will?
Why was I be cursed with this anxiety? I can't even think straight for one second without the negative side of my brain stabbing me a million times. I'm worried about nothing, yet it's killing me. I'm losing my mind over this. I feel like I'll never see him again....I really feel like I'll never see him again. The amount of times people have reassured me could pay for a new house for them to rent and much more, that's how much people have reassured me and I still doubt it. It's starting to get annoying how much people have to reassure me that everything will be okay, how much I have to reassure myself. I'm not getting any sleep tonight. I'll be up getting mind fucked by my own self. I just need someone to explain this entire thing to me and reassure me about a billion times and I'll be just fine....I think. I don't even know anymore. I'm so fucked up mentally I honestly don't know how much more I can take of this whole life thing. I'm not going to do something crazy. I'm just in a terrible state. It's just a bad thought. Everything will be fine later. Just like it always is. Everything will be just fine, don't cry. Crying solves nothing so why are you still crying! Haven't you cried enough? Just get yourself together. Everything. Will. Be. Fine. Stop making me have to tell you this every goddamn second of the day!