I Am

Chapter 10

The next morning my cheeks were puffy and red from where I had cried myself to sleep the previous night. I took a shower to wash it all away. I woke Eva and Marco and helped them get ready for school. Eva was in kindergarten and Marco in first grade. I made them a simple breakfast of bacon and scrambled eggs then loaded them into the backseat of my car.

I went by Briella's trailer to pick her up.

"Good morning, beautiful," I told her as she sat down in the car. She really did look beautiful. Her olive green shirt contrasted with her pale but slightly tanned skin. Her shirt was long, hanging just below her butt. She had on black leggings and combat boots. Her dark hair was braided to the side. I don't know how, but she had changed since I'd known her. She used to wear tee shirts all the time, her hair would be like a dark shadow around her face. Now she looked, and acted, pretty.

She reminded me of a diamond in the rough. She was surrounded by bad stuff, yet she was a beauty.

She didn't speak at all. I wondered what was wrong but I didn't want to question her with the kids in the car.

When we got to West Gleynn County Elementary School, I dropped off Eva and Marco.

"What's wrong?" I asked Briella as we were leaving the school.

She just looked away.

"Briella," I said. "Tell me."

"I don't want to talk about it, Peter!" She said, forcefully.

I decided to just drop it. There was enough going on in my life right now and if she didn't want to talk about something then I wasn't going to make her.

We were in the school parking lot now. We both got out and started walking towards the school.

"Is your dad still in jail?" I asked as we were walking.

"No," she said. "He got out yesterday. My mom didn't want to press charges."

She said it like that was a bad thing.

"Can we change the subject please?" She asked.

"Yeah," I said. "I'm sorry."

We started talking about petty stuff. Light stuff. Stuff that wasn't hard to talk about. Like the nice weather.

"Peter, I don't want to go to church with you tonight," she said as we were approaching the campus, "ok?"

"Ok," I said plainly.

***

I picked Eva and Marco up from school on my way to Briella's house. They told us all about the things they did that day. That's the thing about little kids, when they get upset about something, they let it go. When something bad is happening, they find a way to be happy.

When we got to Briella's house, she quickly got out of the car. I was going to walk her up to the door, but by the time I got out of the car she was already inside. She didn't even say bye.

So I decided I would just leave.

I went to the hospital to visit Avery and left Eva and Marco with my dad while I went to church.

***

We split into boys and girls groups. Jody, the youth pastor and leader of the boys group, talked to us about accepting God's plan for our lives. He also touched on praising God, no matter what happens. I listened intently. I could apply every bit of what he said to my situation.

"Jody," I said after everyone had left.

"Yeah," he answered. Jody was a middle-aged, married with 3 kids man. He was almost bald, but he had a scruffy beard that was graying.

"I'm finding it very hard to praise God right now," I said.

"What's going on?" He asked.

"My sister, Avery, was diagnosed with Leukemia," I started. "And Briella, I care about her, but she's going through a rough time, too. Her dad is an abusive drunk, her mom is a hooker, and she won't accept the gospel. And I'm struggling with my sins from last year, my dark time."

"That's a lot, Peter," he said. "First things first, God loves Avery and he wants the best for her. I know it's hard to believe, but it's true. Second, Briella has had a hard life. She doesn't understand that someone actually does love her. She will come around. Be patient. Third, your sins are done. They are forgiven and it is done. The Devil will try to bring them back to you. He will try to convince you that you are not actually forgiven. But don't listen to him."

"It's hard," I said.

"I know," he said. "I've been there."