I Am

Chapter 15

Sunday night I realized that there was something that had to happen. I had been thinking about Gabi and I just couldn't stand it. I loved Peter but he had caused her pain. Pain that I was already familiar with. I didn't want to mess with that pain again.

I went up to Peter before school the next morning and pulled him aside.

"Peter, I need to talk to you," I said.

"What's up?" He asked.

"I..." It was hard to find the words. "I've been thinking about this and, Peter," I struggled again. "I need to break up with you."

Gahhhh I felt horrible.

"What, why?" He said. His eyes were full of pain.

"I'm sorry," I said. I felt a year fall out of my eye. "It's just my dad and everything going on. Peter, I just can't."

"It's ok," he said. "I'll be waiting for you."

He walked off as the bell rang.

***

Felix had agreed to take me to my meeting with my lawyer after Bible Club.

"Hi, I'm Mrs. Canta" The lawyer lady with blonde hair pulled into a loose bun and glasses had said gleefully to me as I walked into her office.

"I'm Briella," I said.

"How are you?" She asked. Now she was speaking overly enthusiastic.

"Not too good, actually," I said. I was just being honest.

"I heard what happened with your father," she said.

"Well it's that and the fact that I had to break up with my boyfriend today and his little sister has leukemia and things just aren't going right lately," I said.

"I'm very sorry," she said, "but I can only help you with your father. Now, tell me exactly what happened."

"Exactly?" I asked.

"Exactly," she said.

"Mrs. Canta, I don't think I should do that," I answered. "You see, it might get a little graphic of I do that. And it would make me very uncomfortable."

"Just give me some details," she said.

"Ok," I said reluctantly. "When I went home last Tuesday night, my father saw me when I went in the door. He was really mad because he had been in jail for the last two days and it was kind of my fault. Well, he started yelling at me. Then he grabbed me by the wrist and dragged me into his bedroom. He hit me quite a few times in different places. He also touched my breasts and my private areas. The next day was the same, except he went a step farther."

***

I woke up early on Saturday. It was the day of my father's trial.

I put on the grey dress that Mrs. Canta had bought me when she took me shopping the day before. The dress looked like it was made of the material of a suit. It was fitted throughout, but not like a club dress fitted, a formal fitted.

I put on my only pair of black high heels. Luckily, they matched my dress pretty well.

I pulled my hair into a low ponytail an curled it. I put a beautiful hairpiece with diamonds set into it at the top of my ponytail. The hair clip had been my grandmothers.

I had stayed at my own house Friday night because my mom was takin me to the trial. I went down the hall to the kitchen and living room area. I saw my mother in the kitchen making my favorite-since-childhood breakfast, smiley face pancakes.

Of course, I was happy about the pancakes, but my mom... She looked beautiful.

Her hair was pulled back into a loose, braided bun at the base of her neck. She had on a very professional looking black dress, fitted at the top but loose after the waist, the dress hit the top of her knees. She had on nude panty hose and black heels. Her far looked young and youthful, unlike it usually did when she was wearing skank make up.

I walked over to her and gave her a big hug.

"I love you, mom," I said.

"I love you, too, sweetie," she said.

We ate our breakfast and headed to the courthouse for the trial. We met Mrs. Canta in the lobby and walked into the courtroom with her. My mom and I hadn't gotten along very well lately, and I'd only known Mrs. Canta for a week, but today we were a team. We were of a like mind fighting against a single enemy, my father.

The trial started. My father's side got to go first. His lawyer did all of the talking for him, my dad didn't say a word.

Then my mom got her chance to testify. She spoke of all the times that he had hit her, she even showed off a few bruises that had not yet faded.

After my mom spoke, it was my turn. I said a quick prayer then spoke directly to the jury.

"My father hurt me," I started. "He hit me. He touched me. He went way too far." I turned and looked my father straight in his eyes. "A father has no right to treat his daughter the way he treated me."

I lifted my dress just enough for the giant purple bruise on my leg to be visible. The jury gasped.

I looked at my father again. "You are an atrocious person," I said. "But," I paused and said another prayer Jody had told me this would be hard, but I knew I had to do it. "But, I forgive you."

***

"How did it go?" Elyse asked questioningly over the phone.

"He'll be in prison for the next 30 years, no bail." I said.

"Oh," she said. Elyse understood how I felt about him going to prison. I was both happy and sad.

I was happy because I could forget about it. I could move on and not have to worry about it happening again.

I was sad because I was trying to forgive him, now I had sent him to prison. Elyse understood this point of view. She, of all people, knew it was difficult to forgive people who had wronged you on ways like this. She understood why forgiveness was important.

Elyse had told me that her father had been sexually abused by his aunt when he was a child. She told me that he had struggled with this, he was never quite able to forgive her. This caused him to be a sad man.

She told me that he struggled with it on another level, too. Those who are abused as children are much more likely to abuse their own children. Elyse told me that he father had never laid a finger on any of his children out of anything but love, but he was also distant. He didn't want to get too close to his children because when you're close to someone you get upset when they do something you don't like. When you get upset bad things can happen.