I Am

Chapter 12

Penny reached her arms around me. She scooted her chair over so she was closer to me. I laid my head on her chest and, yet again, let the tears flow. She had a hug like a mother. I noticed that she was crying, too.

"How," I started, lifting my head from her chest, "how do I get him to love me like you said."

"Oh, Briella, he already loves you like I said," she said, "you just have to accept him. He will be your father. He wants to be your father."

"How can He?" I asked.

"By loving you and guiding you," she said.

I didn't really understand so I just laid my head back down.

"Do you want me to pray with you?" She asked. I could feel her words vibrating beneath my head.

I nodded.

"Dear Lord, please help Briella in this time of great need. Give her the strength to carry on through these hardships. Heal her physically and emotionally. Purify her soul. Help her understand your love. Give her the ability to forgive. In your name we pray, amen."

I looked up at her. I didn't feel any different.

"You need to go to the hospital, dear," she said.

I stood up slowly and we walked out the doorway.

***

"You don't have any STDs," the nurse said. "And you're not pregnant. There are no physical injuries that are going to last, but there are plenty of mental."

"Thank The Lord," Penny said.

Peter and I had driven to the hospital and Penny and Jody had followed. Jody and Peter had gone to the 7th floor to be with Avery while Penny and I had stayed in the emergency room.

When they heard my story they called the police, yet again, to my house to arrest my father. They assured me that, this time, he wouldn't be getting away.

The doctor had taken some blood to check for STDs and pregnancy. All the tests were negative so, technically, I was a-ok.

But, unfortunately that wasn't the truth. The truth was, I was really messed up. Emotional wounds are ten times harder to heal than physical.

After the doctor had cleared me, they released me. Penny and I went upstairs to visit Avery.

She was doing well. For such a small girl she was fighting hard. Her outlook was far from grim. She had like a 90% chance of survival or something.

After staying for a little while and praying together, Peter and I left to get Eva and Marco from school. Jody and Penny stayed behind. I think they told Mr. Hamal all about what had happened after we left.

***

Peter and I were sitting on his couch watching Finding Nemo. The kids were in the other room playing house.

"Are you going to be ok?" He asked me. I was leaning into him. He had one arm wrapped around me and the other was stroking my hair.

"I'll be fine," I said.

"I know it's more complicated than that," he said.

"It's hard to talk about," I said.

"I understand, Briella," he said.

"I'll never be pure again," I said. The tears were starting to come. "Even if I become a Christian I have this baggage. I can never just pretend this never happened."

"Briella, I am far from pure," he said. "And I still love you the same no matter what happened."

"I love you, too," I said, realizing that I had never told Peter that.

He kissed the top of my head and continued running his fingers through my hair.

"Does he really love me?" I asked Peter. "Even like this?"

"He loved me after all I did," Peter answered, "how could he not love someone like you."

"Pray with me, Peter," I said.

He led me down the hall to his room. He kneeled at the window seat. I did the same. He turned his body slightly so our heads were touching. I began to pray silently to myself:

God, I don't really know how to do this, but I need you. I'm broken and I can't do this by myself. Please be my father. Help me to feel like myself again.

***

I woke the next morning on Peter's couch. I went about my usual morning routine, except I was doing it at Peter's house.

We dropped Eva and Marco off at school then headed to the high school.

"How long did it take you to heal?" I asked Peter. He knew what I meant.

"I'm still wounded," he said. "But I'm better than I used to be."

***

I walked out of class as the last bell rung. I was walking towards the center of the campus, where Peter and I usually met, when I ran into a girl.

"I'm so sorry," I said.

"It's no big deal," she said. "Hey, you're Peter's girlfriend, aren't you?"

"How do you know?" I asked. I had never met this girl before. She looked like a complete prep. She had dyed blonde hair and a face full of make up. Her outfit looked expensive, but showed off her curves very well.

"Let's just say Peter and I have a bit of a past," she said simply.

"What do you mean?" I asked. Then it donned on me. "Wait, are you... Are you the girl?"

She nodded her head.

"I'm Gabi," she said.