Happy Thoughts

Anxiety

Sorry for three chapters within an hour, but like I'm a lot more confident with who I am this year.
I used to aimlessly walk around the past two years when I arrived to school looking for someone to follow. Like it was rly bad, my confidence was practically zero. I'd be barely holding back tears as I walked past my classmates thinking "they hate me they hate me they hate me" which would always turn onto " I hate me I hate me I hate me".  My anxiety was through the roof, except for when I was with Kaylee, Noemi, Summer, Shelby, and Alyssa. They made me feel ok, I mean, o was constantly making them laugh. But I realize now, it wasnt a true friendship. Shelby doesn't talk to me anymore, Alyssa is a fake bitch. Kay hates my guts Bc of Alyssa, Summer I'm okay with we talk occasionally but I feel awkward starting a conversation. And Noemi, she's still herself, that's the best Bc she's hilarious, and she actually talks to me and keeps conversation. I used to be truly terrible, which is why I still feel down mostly. But overall, I've really learned to love myself, I like my body for once, whereas I used to absolutely hate me. I enjoy my hair, ExcEpT when it gets all flat and gross. I like my eyes and eyebrows, I still cannot smile for shit but I can grin I guess. My body is ok, I've lost a lot of weight. My teeth are all good. I have a lot of scars but tomorrow I'll be one month clean from self harm. I laugh a real laugh more often, and I talk to a lot of people. I don't have as much trouble starting conversations. I may be depressed still but I like to look at the bright side, like I just need to rant and I'll be happy again within minutes of depression hitting. Life isn't fair or great, but right now? Its pretty decent that how I used to live. I've come to terms with myself, and with the things I've been through. I hope everyone likes themselves.