Moving ~ PHAN

Chapter 6

Warning: this chapter contains self harm so please don't read if things like that triggers you. 

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*1 week later

Dan's POV

I could start school again tomorrow. I really didn't want to. But the thought that Phil was gonna be there with me was the only reason I was actually okay with going.

My body still ached every now and again, my skin leaving bruises easier than ever. My nose had healed. And for once since I got out of the hospital, I had time to put my thoughts together and sort them as I layed on my bed, only sounds coming from outside through my open window facing darkness.

Lately, all I keep thinking about is Phil, yes, that sounds weird, but I can't get him out of my head. Everytime he crosses my mind my heart beats faster. I don't know what I'm feeling.

I concentrate, closing my eyes. When I open them, it's like I've just been struck with lightning.

"Do I... love Phil?" I questioned myself. And I'm hit with instant sickness.

I can't like Phil... I mean yes. He's smart, funny, adorable yet at the same time has features that jump out. His adam's apple, his black hair against his naturally pale skin. His eyes that I wouldn't mind getting lost in all day. His cheekbones and physique. But he's the only real friend I've made in a long time and I don't want to mess it up.

I smile though, suddenly remembering something. When I tried to protect Phil that day the guy had said Phil was "the gayest" and I never really payed attention to it until now.

I didn't know Phil was gay. We talked a lot, but I guess it never came up. But I wanted to know if that was true.

I settled on asking him tomorrow. I was eager yet dreading for tomorrow to come. It could possibly be the best day yet..... or the worst.

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Phil's POV

There was nothing there to hurt me. But yet I somehow managed to be terrified of going to school.

I got out of bed and went to my bathroom feeling scared. Last night I thought about Dan. I thought about asking if he was gay. But I instantly thought that would be the worst idea. The question sat on my chest, not leaving. I felt my face get red and my heart thump.

"What if he isn't?"

Was all I could think.

Dan's POV

When my alarm sounded I jumped out of bed excitedly. That only lasted about a minute before every thought came blasting into my head. I fell to the floor of my room and shut my eyes trying so desperately to stop it. My hands held my hair tightly and I felt pain rise on my scalp. The pain was nothing compared to what was happening inside.

I opened my drawer while they kept going. I needed relief. I've been trying so hard not to, but within that time they only got stronger. I needed relief, just for a while.

My hand felt the cold metal and I grabbed it pressing it against my right wrist. I moved it, feeling the slice create as it stinged and got cold. Again I did it moving under the first. Then again. By the time I was done I had five slashes bleeding out onto my pajama pants. I sat in the corner my head against the wall, my hand wrapping my pants around my continuously bleeding wrist. It hurt more than it had ever before.

After about 20 minutes I finally got up, my cuts slowly stopping. They hurt, and I saw how around them bruised all purple and black mixed with red. My head felt clear thought. I felt ready to head to school and ask Phil what needed to be done.  

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Whoa 2 updates in one day!? Yes it's valentines day I have nothing better to do.

~K