HER

"...my throat started to choke up..."

          She slammed her brakes and I swear I almost went flying out of the windshield and I could have if it weren't for my seatbelt. Thank God for those handy things.

"WHAT!?", she yelled over at me. My heart was pounding and I turned to face her then gave her a hug. She looked super confused and kept questioning why I had told her to stop because she had not seen anything in the way of the car."I swear I saw Kayla in front of the car!', I tried to explain myself. My mental state was not the best at the moment and my mom thinking I was crazy was not helping at all. I turned to look at the street and Kayla was standing right there, right in front of the car. Tears started to fill my eyes and my mom noticed."Honey, are you okay? Do you need some water?", she handed me a water bottle and I grabbed it from her hand slowly still looking at the street. My mom tried to knock me out of my trance but it took a few minutes for me to actually go back to my conscious state. I finally turned to face her and her eyes started to get glossy as she looked at me. My face was red and mascara was running down my face. It had been a while since my mom actually looked at me in the face as I cried. It broke her heart. 

"Olivia? Talk to me. What is wrong? Are you okay?", she tried talking me down as she pulled to the side of the road and came to a stop."No I am not okay mom. We could have gotten in a serious car crash and it would have been all my fault because no one believes that Kayla is a real thing to me.", I turned to face her,"IT COULD HAVE BEEN MY FAULT MOM". She looked at me, horrified. She grabbed my wrist and held it tightly,"I believe you sweetie, okay? I believe you". My heart rose back to my chest. That's all I've ever wanted to hear from her since preschool. My eyes were like faucets. I was hysterical. She pulled me in and held me tight as she started crying too.

~

Today was a new day and hopefully better than yesterday. I haven't seen Kayla today yet and it is 2 in the afternoon. Me and my mom watched TV almost all day. Ever since the almost-car-crash yesterday, I feel like I've gotten closer to her. It is probably from the experience of almost dying and no longer seeing each other if only one of us died. I never wanted to see Kayla today anyway after what she did yesterday.

I don't have another therapy appointment until Thursday which is in three days and the semi car crash was the only bad thing that has happened so far."Hey Olivia, you want pizza for dinner?", she asked me. i nodded my head and smiled. It's been awhile since I've had pizza and i was ecstatic on the inside.

She ordered the pizza and as we waited we watched Big Bang Theory in our living room. The pizza arrived at least 10 minutes later after she ordered it. I jumped up and hurried to the kitchen to get myself a plate. She entered the kitchen and set the box of pizza on the counter. The smell of cheese, pepperoni, and sausage filled the air when she opened it up. My mouth started watering and I grabbed three pieces, then went back to the couch. I shoved the piece into my mouth, admiring the taste that I have missed for so long.

My mom sat back next to me and ate her pizza. After she bit a piece of she looked at me with wide eyes. She hadn't seen me eat in a while since I did everything in my room with Kayla. I laughed at her face and kept eating. 

~

It was Tuesday now and I still have not seen Kayla. I still don't have a therapy appointment until Thursday and I haven't had an episode yet, thankfully. It was 7:46 in the morning and I could smell some food from the kitchen it smelt familiar... too familiar. I felt my hands start to shake and my throat started to choke up. I fell to the floor and tried to sit up and bring my knees to my chest but my body was too shaky. my6 hands went to both sides of my head and I put my back to the floor. I felt like i was drowning but I wasn't in water. I was suffocating although there was more than plenty of air in the room. I opened my eyes but my vision was blurry and I started cursing at myself in my head. 

I am not religious but I prayed that Kayla would come and help me or that anyone would come and help me. I crossed my arms and turned to my side as fast as I could before my stupid self could swallow my own tongue. I started having those horrible flashbacks again and I felt myself sweating in the midst of it. I felt hands touch my arm and my shaking started to get less intense. 

I could hear my mom's voice as an echo and I felt myself slowly back away from the darkness of my own thoughts. my eyes opened wide and my vision got clearer. My shaking had stopped and I slowly got up to hug my mom and she held me tight. Kayla was not there, not even to pray for me, and I started to get in a mix of furious and upset.