HER

"YOU CAN'T DO THAT", she scolded...

     As me and my mom sat down and ate dinner we talked about our day. I brought up Kayla, again.

"I had a panic attack because she touched me and her hands were as cold as his.. it triggered me". My mom continues to eat her seasoned broccoli and gave me a stern look, I knew she wanted me to continue although she looked quite uncomfortable. "She grabbed my hands and prayed for me, mom". 

"Honey, I pray for you every damn day. Her praying for you isn't too special. You should come with me to church sometime and make some actual friends", she shoved some parmesan chicken in her mouth. I started to pick at my food as one hand held my cheek. How could she think she's not real? She's real to me. That should be enough. "Honey... it's almost your 15th birthday. Would you want to throw another house party? You can invite... Kayla", she hesitated.

I threw my fork onto my plate, got up, and stormed out of the room. I could hear my mom yelling in the distance,"She won't be there for you all the time!... OLIVIA"! I slammed my bedroom door and sat on my chair. I can't understand why she doesn't support me. 

~

I woke up the next morning, sick to my stomach. I went into the kitchen and made myself some cereal. Cocoa Pebbles, my favorite. I saw Kayla walking down the hallway. When she reached the end of the hallway she looked around then waved at me,"Goodmorning, psycho face". I chuckled and continued eating my cereal while leaning against a counter.. "I have a therapy appointment today", I told her. 

"What are you going to tell him about today"? She sat on the counter and looked at me with curiosity. "Everything that happened yesterday, of course". Her eyes widened. "YOU CAN'T DO THAT", she scolded. I proceeded to ask why. "They'll think you're crazy. Do you want to get sent to a loony bin"? She was right, but I can't lie to him. 

~

"Good afternoon, Olivia," Mr.Parkson blantly stated as he turned to face me. I sat on the orange chair that stood across from him. The silence in the room was painful. I wanted him to just ask me anything so I could just get out of here.

"So, your mom told me you have been talking with Kayla recently". I nodded my head. "Why is that, Olivia"? I made myself comfortable in the chair and tried to explain myself the best way that I could. "I feel as if she visits me... when she knows I'm about to have an attack-", he interrupted. "You had another attack? That's the third one this week, Olivia". I sighed. "But she triggers them.. for some reason-", I looked up to see him writing in his notepad, then looked back down and held my cheek in my hand,"...and then she prays. I don't quite understand it.. but she brings me terror and peace. I think she knows what she does but can't help it..", I looked back up to see him staring at me. 

'And.. she's.. imaginary.. from what I've heard", he moved his glasses up the bridge of his nose. I nodded slowly, reassuring and thinking. "Are you thinking of becoming friends with... Kayla again"? I tilted my head and squinted my eyes as I looked to the floor, thinking again. "If you're about to say  yes, should I remind you of the things she has done"? My head flashed up and I looked at him sternly.

"Note one; preschool..", he looked up and I fell in the back of my chair with my arms crossed. I let out a sigh. "She made you pull another girl's hair and almost cut it with scissors before someone tattled, and the teacher stopped you. You then blamed who exactly, Olivia?", I rolled my eyes as he continued,"Kayla. Note two; third grade. She made you put glue on a teacher's chair during a school project as the teacher stepped outside to talk with a noisy student. As she sat down, she got stuck for a few minutes, then finally got up as the bottom part of her skirt ripped off", I snickered. He looked at me with disgust. He looked back down and continued. "Who did you blame it on? Kayla. Note three; high school, 10th grade. Was so rude to someone and such a bully because of Kayla, that you eventually made her commit suicide. You say you feel remorse-", I flashed my head up,"I do". He looked back at me. "It doesn't look like you do, considering you're actually having to think about being friends with her again". It was silent for an awfully long time.

"What exactly.. triggered your attack?", he pressed his pen against his paper, waiting for me to speak. My left hand gripped the left arm of the chair as I tried my hardest to explain without stuttering out of fear. "Her touch felt as cold as my dad's... I can't remember much but a few flashbacks and I don't want to remember anything. I do remember waking up... with both of my hands on both sides of my head as if I were screaming... and I was breathing heavily". I tried to contain my anxiety as he wrote what I had said into his notepad.

He closed his notepad and folded his hands together, then sat like any gentleman would. "I think we are now done with this session. Thank you for coming, Olivia". "I kinda have no choice but to come here", I stated as I walked out of his door. 

~~~

Please vote and/or comment. I love to hear back from you guys. and let me know what you guys think. 

                                                         With love,

                                                                              Kat.