Phan One-Shots

Bee Mine

A/n: you guys don't know how hard i struggled to finish this on time, like there aren't even Words for how tempting it was to just flush my schedule down the drain and admit defeat. I kicked myself in tHE ASS and finished it anyway thx

Genre: Fluff

Wordcount: 14,185

Summary: a hopeless romantic and a single-but-proud meet at a store on valentine's day. the latter is buying valentine cards ironically, the former buying them sincerely in hopes of getting a date au

Warnings: irrational use of bee puns and chocolate mint discourse, alcohol consumption

The phone rang so many times that Dan feared he would get ignored altogether, that his call would go unanswered and he'd be forced to make such tough decisions all on his own. He paced down the aisle, waiting patiently for the telltale sound of the call being answered. On the verge of hanging up altogether and dashing toward the exit to forget this ever happened, he was surprised by the loud yawn that sounded directly in his ear.

"What the fuck." Louise groaned, sounding just about as happy as Dan was to be awake just after the sun has risen. There was the sound of sheets shuffling around and the distinct thud of Louise throwing herself back against the mattress in frustration. "Why are you calling me so early? I was trying to sleep."

"My annoying neighbor kept me up all night again and I'm out for blood." He responded easily, a smug smile ghosting his lips now that he'd gotten the attention he was after. Encouraged to continue, he stepped back into the same aisle as before and started scanning the rows of merchandise. "Cheesy funny or ironic funny?"

"What?"

"I'm picking out a card for you." Dan smirked, picking up one of the vile cliche creations, pinched between his forefinger and his thumb like he feared he may be contaminated with the cheesiness printed in bold letters across the fun. This was comedy gold, the stupid shit people bought for their significant others.

"Dan!" Louise, though she normally shared Dan's sense of humor to the utmost level, didn't seem all that impressed today. Dan sighed, shoving the card back where he'd taken it from and scanning for an even funnier one. Maybe if he read one off to her, then she'd understand what level of idiocy they were dealing with. "I don't care! Just write my name on a damn napkin and let me go back to sleep!"

"Geesh, someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed today."

"Alright, I understand that your neighbor kept you up, but why in God's name did you decide to go out shopping before most the stores even open!?"

"I wanted to avoid running into all the gross couples while I was out." Dan stated matter-of-factly, like she should have known this already. Silence followed his confession and he felt the urge to fill it with something, could practically hear how she was judging him for judging other people so much.

Dan's eyes landed on the perfect card just as a low sigh filtered through the speakers, confirming that Louise definitely wasn't impressed with him. He ignored it in favor of grabbing the card, a grin splitting his face as he held it up to his eyes. "Louise, some of these are so bad, at least let me read you one of them."

"Fine."

"This one has a photo of two donuts on the cover, one's pink wearing a bow and the other is blue with a tie on, because heaven forbid they let the donuts be genderless."

"Dan."

"Guess what it says."

"What?"

"A wanna call you mine for a hole lifetime." He snorted, the hand that wasn't precariously balancing the card open coming down to clutch his stomach as he took to laughing. The phone crammed haphazardly between his ear and his shoulder as he shook with the force of his fit of giggles. When Louise didn't immediately join him, he assumed that she must not have gotten the joke. It was easy to lose in translation, maybe he should clarify for her. "Not whole with a w, it's hole with an h because they're donuts and it's stupid."