Broken Pieces (Jai Brooks)

Chapter 8

Jai woke up to a white ceiling and the sound of various machines beeping. He recognized that he had woken up in a hospital room. He jut wanted to die, but he couldn't even kill himself right apparently. He let out a agony-filled sob before tears slowly started falling down his face. Why couldn't he have gotten it right?

"Jai?! What's wrong? Are you okay?" He was suddenly asked by a panicked Luke. Of course he was okay he was lying in a hospital bed. That's what he wanted to say to Luke, but he could only squeeze his eyes shut and force his tears away. He didn't want Luke to see him being this week.

"Hey." He whispered in response to Luke. It wasn't exactly the answer Luke wanted, but he was happy to get at least something out of Jai.

"You promised me..." Luke suddenly whispered, not being able to take the silence anymore. "You said you would never try to kill yourself! How could you just lie to me like that?"

"I-I..." Jai didn't know what to say. He had hurt Luke big time, but he just wanted to leave. He wanted to go to sleep and never wake up again.

"Answer me, Jai." Luke demanded. Jai knew he had to say something, but he didn't think he could take much more.

"I didn't plan it."

"You were the one holding the knife, Jai. They almost lost you. If I had found you a minute later then you would have died."

"You should of let me then." Jai says out loud. The words escaped his mouth before he could stop them. Luke took a step back like he had just been punched in the face. Jai bit his lip nervously. If Luke didn't hate him before, he surely would now.

"You don't mean that, Jai. Please! You can't really mean that."

"Why not?" Jai was angry now. Luke had no right to tell him what he can or can't mean.

"I just can't understand why you would want to die. Don't you love Me and Beau. Or even Mum and Daniel? Don't you care about any of us? We love you but you only care about yourself. Next time you decide to off yourself, why don't you do it in a place that no one can find you." Luke screamed before running out of the room with tears in his eyes.

Jai sighed. He was right. Luke hated him.

-
About 20 minutes after Luke ran out, Beau and Gina entered his room. He was angry with Beau, but that was nothing compared to the guilt he felt when he made eye contact with his mother. He had made her cry. He had completely broken her heart, and there was nothing he could do to fix it. He looked down and played with the gauze wrapped around his wrists.

"Stop messing with that!" Gina scolded, causing him to look up at her. She gave him a tight-lipped smile and reached out to hug him, but he turned away. Gina took a step back and frowned. "Since when do you deny me of my hugs?"

"Sorry." Jai murmured. "I just don't deserve a hug right now."

"Of course you do! I almost lost my baby so I am getting my hug whether you like it or not." She informed him. He had to smile at his mother's attitude, but a lone tear still manage to slip down his cheek. He didn't deserve any of this, but he reached out regardless and hugged his mother.

"Jai..." Beau started, having seen the tear. "I'm so sorry. I shouldn't of said anything. I just felt like she needed to know..." Jai's eyes became even sadder if that was possible. He looked down after letting go of his mother.

"Sorry, but can you both just leave? I can't deal with this right now. I just can't." Jai requested shakily. When they declined to leave, he could feel his pulse start to race. Then, it became increasingly harder to breathe. Doctors and Nurses flooded the room as he entered a full-blown panic attack. They forced the other two in the room to leave as they quickly sedated him before he could accidentally hurt himself. Before he fell unconscious, Jai saw the panicked face of his twin brother from the doorway staring staring at him with worry.

-

Jai's eyes slowly fluttered open as he regained consciousness. This time when he woke up he was completely alone. There was no one to take his mind away from his harmful thoughts.

He just felt so empty and alone. That feeling intensified as he realized he had finally pushed everyone he cared about away. His family wasn't there when he woke up and he had no friends, so now it was only him. He was finally alone and that scared him. He. Never thought he would ever attempt suicide, but now he knew better. He had attempted to kill himself and now he realized that the next time he was left alone, he would try it again. Luke had given him the perfect advice too. Do it somewhere where no one could possibly find him to save him.

He still couldn't believe that Luke had said that. He only wanted to push Luke away. He didn't mean to make Luke wish he was dead. But he had sadly succeeded at both.

He wanted out of the hospital as soon as possible but no one had told him anything yet. He stood up and unhooked all the wires connected to him. This caused a series of continuous beeps to sound through the room and almost as soon as he did it, people had burst into the room.

"I want to go home." He said to the first nurse he saw. "I'm 21 and I don't have to stay here against my will."

"We understand that, but we can't let you leave quite yet. You're still on your 72 hour suicide watch." She explained quickly.

Suicide watch? He was on suicide watch and no one told him. He felt the numb feeling take over him again, as he let himself be led back to his bed.

Once the hospital personnel left the room, Luke walked in.

"So..." Luke broke the silence.

"So..." Jai said back.

"You had a panic attack." Luke stated, not knowing what else to say.

"Yea. Beau helped me realize what a selfish piece of crap I really am and seeing mum again just reminded me of everything." Jai honestly spoke.

"You don't really think that way about yourself do you?" Luke frowned.

"Let's face it Luke, I am. What kind of person uses their twin brother as an opportunity to cut more? What kind of person shatters their mother's heat like I did? What kind of person gets forced on suicide watch because they can't even kill the self right?" Jai was tired and he honestly didn't know why he was being this open with Luke. He had always been reserved and now he was being too honest.

"Jai..." Luke whispered before throwing himself at his twin for a much needed hug. "That wasn't really you. At least. To the real you. Those things happened because you needed help, but no one noticed how bad you really needed it."

"I don't need it." Jai argued.

"Yes you do. You need it more than anything, but this time I'll be there for you instead of blindly expecting everything to magically get better. We need to fix you, and that's exactly what I'll do!"