Broken Pieces (Jai Brooks)

Chapter 11

Jai and Luke had gotten much closer since the diner incident, but Jai still became nervous around Beau. Luke had let Beau in on the fact that Jai was still feeling suicidal. Needless to say, Beau had not reacted well.

"Should we of just let you die on your bedroom floor, Jai? Or I know! Maybe I should go out to the store and buy you a bunch of knives so you can finally finish the job." Beau had screamed at Jai, after finding out. His words resulted in getting a harsh slap across the face from an angry Luke, but the damage had already been done. Jai stood there frozen, before finally running to his room and locking himself inside for a few hours.
-
"Luke!" Jai called waking his twin up from his nap.

"Wha-?" Luke asked rolling over in his bed.

"Get up and get dressed. We're going out."

"What?" Luke woke up instantly. He looked up at his twin and was surprised at what he saw. Jai's hair was a curly mess. Jai never went out with his hair in that state. The second thing Luke noticed was that Jai's pupils were extremely large and his gaze was hazy and unfocused. It was obvious that Jai had taken something, he just didn't know what. "Jai please tell me you didn't do what I think you did!"

"But I did Lukey. And you know I hate lying to you. I do that too, though. All the time. The things that go on...hehe....Lukey can't know about them. He'd be mad at me if he did. Well, madder than he already is." Jai said happily, in his drug induced gaze. Luke's eyes widened. Jai was obviously high, so maybe this could work to his advantage...

"Why would Lukey be mad at you?" Luke asked. He hated what he was doing, but it had to be done. He needed to know, but he had a feeling that Jai would never tell him while he was sober.

"I- I- I'm broken. And I can't be repaired, so I need to die to stop being a B- Burden to everyone." Jai cried out, tears running down his face. "Lukey doesn't know. No one knows the truth. I trusted the wrong person and they broke me."

"Who broke you, Jai?" Luke questioned.

"Mum's boyfriend. I- I was never a good boy. He was the only one that had the nerve to tell me. He told me how worthless and pathetic I was. How Lukey was better than me. No one actually loved me. He would beat me, so that maybe one day I would understand. He burnt me with cigarette butts and told me that I was the reason Dad left. I drove him away. He even thanked me for being such a disgrace, because that's how he was able to enter mum's life."

"Jai..." Luke didn't know what to say. He couldn't comprehend the fact that the man he looked up to as a father- figure treated his twin badly enough to break him.

"I didn't even care about the bruises." Jai laughed, "The way he compared me to Luke hurt much more. Luke's the perfect twin, that much is obvious. Then the fans started noticing..."

"Jai. Come here and lie down." Luke pleaded, "I don't feel too good..." Jai could never refuse Luke, especially when he said he didn't feel well, so he did as he was asked. The sad boy even fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

"What am I going to do?" Luke asked himself. His mum was absolutely in love with her boyfriend, Michael. Michael, however, had physically and emotionally abused Jai. It was to the extent that Jai no longer felt like anyone could possibly love him. Michael was on another continent, so surely it wouldn't be a problem, right?

-

Luke assumed that it wouldn't be a problem, but unfortunately for him, it was. Beau had decided that they were going to go visit their mother while Daniel was also in Australia visiting his family. Visiting their mother of course meant visiting Michael. They were scheduled to leave in exactly two weeks. Luke figured that would be more than enough time to convince Jai not to go.

After the night Jai got high, Luke raided his room and found his stash. Jai yelled at him, claiming that he hated him, but Luke knew it was just his addiction talking. Ever since then, Jai had been perfect. He did whatever Luke asked him to and he didn't seem that depressed either.

"So I was thinking that maybe you should stay here when we go to Australia..." Luke suggested awkwardly. "After everything...I don't think it's the best thing for you right now."

"Are you serious!" Jai exclaimed, eyes widening. "I want to see mum!"

"Well maybe you shouldn't!" Luke yelled back. "She's still kind of sensitive after that hospital visit."

"You're ashamed of me aren't you?" Jai asked, but his tone suggested that he believed it to be true. "Sorry I can't be normal, Luke. I'm your twin and you're stuck with me whether you like it or not, and if you even think of forcing me to stay home then I'll be dead before you even make it to Australia!"

"Jai... No..N-" Luke started before Jai cut him off again.

"Sorry. I didn't mean that. I'm not going to try again...I don't think I will...." Jai tried to take his confession back but it was too late. He saw the fear in Luke's eyes and ran to his room in tears.

"Why am I so stupid?" Jai whispered to himself. "Why?..."

He slipped inside his bathroom and grabbed his razor. Cutting his fingers in the process, he broke the blade out. He glanced down at the sharp edge. Did he really want to do this?

He needed it, he decided. Jai pushed his sleeves back and started to hack away and slice at his wrists. After he was finished, he still felt empty on the inside. Usually, when he cut all of the pain would get washed away. But not this time.

Jai punched the wall repeatedly in a fit of rage until he heard a cracking sound. He let out a scream as he started to feel his wrist start to throb.

"Jai are you okay?" Beau questioned, running into his room.

"I think I might have broken my hand by punching the wall." Jai explained quickly.

"Let me see." Beau ordered, taking Jai's wrist and examining it. "It doesn't seem like it's broken. You would have really been screaming with me pulling on it like that. I'm guessing it's just sprained. Let me get a bandage and I'll be back." Beau quickly left the room and then came back with a bandage to wrap the sprain with.

"Thanks." Jai let out almost inaudibly.

"Jai I know we haven't been on the best of terms lately, but keep in mind that I'm your older brother before anything else. I know you're twenty-one, but it will always be my job to keep you safe no matter how old you are."

"Beau..." Jai didn't know what to say.

"Let me talk, Jai. I know usually I'm not serious at all, but right now I am. I love you and that's why it hurts me to see you do this to yourself." Beau gestured to Jai arms. "When you hurt yourself, you're also hurting the people around you. Just in a different way. Think about poor Lukey. He is absolutely devastated when you do this."

"No he's not. Luke's ashamed to have me as his brother." Jai muttered coldly.

"Jai, no. That's not true!"

"Yes it is! He even begged me not to go to Australia when you guys visit Mum." Jai admitted sadly. "Why'd you guys even save me if you don't want me here?"

"I'll be having a separate talk with Luke, but no one is going to Australia without you. Luke had some nerve even asking you that, but I'm sure he had a good reason. Just try to stay positive Jai, we'll get through this some way."