The Unseen Part Of My Life

The History

15 Years Ago

Rihaan and I were engaged and already meeting everyday. It was good. It was overwhelming. Obviously I couldn't get over the fact that I loved Shaan but I had to do this for Maa and Baba.

Days went by and my marriage was coming closer. I wasn't ready but I was sure about Rihaan. I knew he was going to respect my decisions too. He already did. He would take my opinions in everything that he did. He considered me as his partner from day one.

He bought an apartment for us. It was a 3 bedroom apartment. It was exactly how I wanted my own house to be. He knew because he asked me once how I wanted my house to be. The walls were coloured in pastel colours. The hall had sofa with a huge LED Tv on the wall. The furniture was white. The sofa had fur throw pillows. There was a carpet which complimented the sofa and furniture. The hall was huge and it had a chandelier in the middle. We never had one of those in our house so I really wanted it to be there in my house. There were three bedrooms. One bedroom was for his mother. One for us and one for our future kids. He made every plan before getting married. It was beautiful.

He was considerate about my feelings and my wishes which drew me closer to him. He would take care of everything I wanted or liked. He remembered everything I said and he kept on surprising me.

Finally as days passed by marriage came closer. All the traditions started. Haldi, mehendi, sangeet and then marriage.

Everything went well and only a night before my marriage a thought hit me. Am I doing the right thing? Will I ever fall in love? I was panicking. My mom and dad were happy that I was marrying a well settled guy that made me believe that I was doing the right thing. 

*3 months later*

3 months into our marriage. I started enjoying his company. Though the void wasn't filled. I was happy I had someone who cared about me. We enjoyed each other's company. He took me out on weekends so that we could talk and enjoy together. He never did anything without considering me. He tried his best. His mom was good to me. She considered me as a daughter she never had. She never made me work too much. She was happy to see his son happy.

I was working with my company and earning for me and my parents. Things went great. You see there is a honeymoon period in every relationship which fades away after a while. Ours lasted for good 6 months and it faded away eventually.

Slowly slowly we became more and more busier. My office hours were increased. I had no time for anything. He wanted me to leave my job and become a housewife. I could see it. He never forced me but he wanted that. He told me that we have enough money to feed our 4 generations so I don't have to work. I wanted to work and I had to make him happy too. He dropped signs here and there so that I could leave my job. So finally after 1 year of our marriage I left my job.

It came to a point where I listened to him. I surrendered myself to him. I started obeying him. Though he kept me as his partner and let me decide certain things but major part of my life were on his wishes because I never wanted to disappoint him in any way.

It was like killing my wishes for him. Shaan wasn't like this he let me live the way I wanted and he had promised that I could work after we got married but with Rihaan it wasn't the same.  He earned a lot so there was no need for me to work. He said that he would take care of my parents as well. His money was my money too. Which I didn't believe in. I believed in being independent and that thought was killed, like my will to not get married was killed.

3 years after our marriage I came to know that I was pregnant. I told Rihaan and he was the happiest. He started looking after me a lot. I thought this might change my feelings and maybe I would understand how he felt about me but his business grew stronger and we had a daughter. I was so busy behind her I almost didn't get time for Rihaan.

Rihaan was so busy that he would come home until late and at times he would be out of India for meetings. Sometimes he would be gone for months. I had to cope up and let him do that because he was doing it for us. All the dinner plans and trip plans started failing. I kept on waiting for him. 

Our daughter grew older. She missed her father at various events. He failed to show up at her school functions, PTA meetings etc. Angira my daughter had amazing skills. She was good academically, she loved art and she loved music. She attended classes and I was busy behind her the whole day. The distance between me and Rihaan grew stronger with each passing day.

When Angira turned 7 finally we planned a trip. Rihaan's mom, Angira, me and Rihaan. We all went to Europe. We were there for 15 days. We had an amazing time. He started giving more time but the distance was still maintained. 

Since last 7 years he wasn't available so he didn't know what I had been through. He gave us all the luxuries but forgot to give us his love and time. It was then when I found out that I was pregnant again and this time we had a boy. We named him Samarth. Rihaan missed Angira's childhood so he wanted to be more involved now. He gave us all more and more time. Things became better but still at many a times he wasn't there. On the most important days. At times he was there and at times he was not. The worst was when I celebrated Samarth's 4th birthday without Rihaan. I enrolled Samarth without Rihaan. I had to to it all alone and that is why I never found out how he really felt about me. His dinner dates, consideration and partnership faded away slowly slowly.

Maldives was supposed to be our rebound. We were supposed to go and sort our differences but he couldn't make it again. So i left without him to figure out what was right. My mom dad don't know about this. I won't tell them. They failed to understand me long back and now when I am longing for love I won't go back to them. I would rather live alone. 

Present

It was my third day in Maldives. Sunrays hit me and I woke up. I loved waking up like this. I had no idea what happened last night. I forgot everything. I remember that I was out with Shaan or maybe it was a dream. I don't really know. My head was hurting.

I went to brush my teeth and ordered a lemon soda. I searched for my phone. I found it under my bed. I switched it on. There were 35 missed calls from Rihaan and 5 messages from him. I was about to open and read the messages when I heard a knock on my door. It was a guy with my order and bouquet of flowers. I took it and he went back. I saw the flowers it had a note. "Hey! Wanna catch up tonight? Shaan"