The Unseen Part Of My Life

The Break Up.

14 Years Ago.

You know loving someone while it consumes you. Its a wonderful feeling but when that person leaves, its the worst feeling.

"We need to settle down" Shaan told me.
"I know", I said.
"Then let's focus on that."Shaan replied.
"I know you want us to be settled but by this what are you implying?" I asked.
"Nothing, let's meet less now." He said.

It did hurt me a lot when he said those words because he was the one who said I would never ever leave your side no matter what and today here we are, he was leaving me. Literally leaving.

Days converted into months and slowly slowly he started ignoring me more and more. We would meet after my college and then leave for home. He wouldn't even talk to me properly. I don't know what it was.

I was doing post graduation and obviously it did consume a lot of my time. He was looking for jobs. We both started meeting less and less. We were the power couple. I wasn't ready for this. We were couple goals for people and this is not what happens to goals.

Little by little he managed to push me away. There was a time when we couldn't stay away from each other. Like every other relationship we fell in love, spent time together and grew apart. If he wasn't ignoring me then what was that. There is a difference between being busy and ignoring. I could clearly see that he was ignoring me. He ignored my calls, texts and even me.

The months went by and with each passing day I could feel how strong our distance was. No matter what he still did care but I wasn't sure of love from his side anymore because he was ignoring me.

Being from a orthodox family I knew that my parents wouldn't approve a guy who is connected to the bollywood line. I told him this because he wished to work off screen as a director. He had bagged some offers as an assistant director but I always told him not to take it if he wanted to marry me.

He didn't. Time passed by and we started meeting on weekends or once in 10-15 days. It was not what I wanted but I adjusted because he was building a future for us. Things completely changed.

One day he asked me to meet him at the park. I was excited because he said he had a good news. I went to the park all decked up. I thought he finally joined a company and I was excited to hear the news.
"Hey I missed you", I said feeling relieved.
"I missed you too." Shaan replied.
"Let's sit somewhere", I replied.
"Okay", Shaan said.
It looked like he was nervous or awkward. I didn't know why because he never acted this way. We were walking and finally found a chair nearby it was facing the lake and I could see kids playing and jumping in joy. This was my happy place. Right next to him.
"So how are you? I have been missing you so much. How's life? How's everything Baby" I asked.
"I am really good and you? I have been missing you too. Life is great" Shaan said.
"Okay. I am good too. What's the good news?" I asked curiously.
"The good news is that I have a very good offer and its with a production house", Shaan answered.
"Seriously ? Shaan you know if you work in this industry we will have to part ways." I said.
"But baby we can try to convince your parents. You know how badly I wanted this. I can't just switch my career." He replied.
"I thought you could do that for me?" I said in anger.
"Look Ria this is important and I am expecting you to understand. I love this job and this is going to be the best decision of my life", Shaan replied.
"My? You mean your life. Ours won't be possible if you are working there. You know it would take years for you to succeed and if you and I work in a good company we could earn pretty well. You know the salaries production house will offer you", I replied.
"You can't say that Ria. I have been trying to avoid this but I can't. I am graduated  and I need a job. I will be joining them and trust me I will do everything to convince your parents." Shaan said.
"If this is your last wish then let's see." I replied.
I was angry and upset because all of a sudden I wasn't the one he needed anymore. I spent some time with him and headed home.
From that day onwards I didn't call him much. I didn't bother crying all the time. I worked on myself and as I was graduating in a month I started looking for jobs. It was my good luck that Hive company loved my grades and they wanted me to join immediately with a good starting pay. I started working.

He worked at an production house and I was working with Hive. While I promoted in a year he was still struggling. My parents started forcing me to get married as I had a decent job and it was about time. So I decided to tell them about me and Shaan. My dad was very angry because he didn't like the idea of love marriage, while my mother was speechless. My dad started looking for more boys. On every weekend he would call some random family at our home and I was forced to meet them. I would say no or make the guy say no. I tried to convince them to meet him but they were stubborn.

I asked Shaan to come home and talk to them but they ignored him. After trying my best I finally convinced my parents to meet him. My parents were clear about this they said this is the first and last time and if he fails to show up they would never listen to me and I had to listen to them instead. I told Shaan about this and he agreed.

A night before their meet I was nervous and so was he. I was hoping for everything to go the way it should but what you want is what you can never have.

Shaan came to my house next day. I didn't meet him for a month so I had no idea what he looked like. He came over and met my parents. He came in a blue casual shirt and dark blue jeans. He had grown beard and it was a big turn off for my parents. The first impression on them of him was of a guy who is jobless and drinks a lot.

Secondly they didn't like his etiquettes. They hated being around people like that. He tried to cool down the atmosphere by his job talks but that made it only worse. Soon the dinner was over and Shaan headed home. We hugged outside my door. I told him that I would call him and let him know everything. I went back inside and I knew what the result was. They hated him.

I tried my best but couldn't convince them and when I was about to tell Shaan to runaway with me that is when he told me he had to move to London. He said he would marry me as soon as he was settled.
The production house was opening an office in London and they wanted Shaan to go and work there and have a permanent job but this was going to make things worse because if he left my parents would marry me off anytime and being settled meant at least a year and I couldn't wait another year.
I told him it could be either me or London.
And that was it he didn't even meet me and he signed his contract. He was moving. I had no idea that he said yes. It was then when he called me one night and told me everything.

He had already made his choice it was London so he left me. I asked him that night "So this is it?" I said trying to control my tears. "Yeah" Shaan replied. "Seriously? How? How could you just say yes?" I yelled. "I am sorry Ria but this is the last time you are hearing from me" Shaan replied. "I hate you. Please don't do this. This can not be our fate. We promised we wouldn't leave each other then why now? why after 5 years?" I said cracking with emotions. "Ria please it is already hard on me. Don't make it harder." Shaan said. "It is hard for me too. Do you think this is a joke?" I could barely speak. "I have to go. I love you and I always will. Take care. I will see you in heaven if not in this life" Shaan said and hung up.

I called him back. I tried to connect with him but failed. The worst part was I was blacklisted on his number so I couldn't call him.
A month later a friend of Shaan told me that he moved to London. It shook my world because he didn't even meet me. I told my mother and she tried to comfort me. I was working but I couldn't get him off my mind. Things really were over.

Present

How can he generally ask me to catch up. It was him who made that choice 15 years ago I can't do this. I won't do this. I decided to leave for home on the same day. He walks away every time. He walked away then and he walked away last night.

He left me miserable and I loved him even today. I hated myself for that. I wanted to go back and hug Rihaan and forget Shaan forever now.