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ㅤㅤanother month has passed, another thirty days has come to waste. but one thing is for sure, my life is pretty much more miserable. i didn't do anything productive, all i keep doing was to try on communicating to her.
"please come back."
i am currently in the front of joohyun's old house. nothing had changed though; it looks exactly as it was before. but one thing lacked, i couldn't sense the happiness radiating with it. it's because she wasn't there. the sunshine of the house was far away.
"please come back..." i pleaded, my voice sounded desperate.
i found myself sobbing again. i remember how i treated her when we were on the airport, i was cold as ice, but internally, i was really dying that she's going away. i was very stupid. i regret that i played it cool when i was really scared of letting her go.
i wiped my tears using the hem of my shirt and took a deep breath. "until now, i still have no idea why you went overseas. was it because of your studies? your family?"
"or was it because of the way i treated you?" i sighed, "you're probably tired of me treating you like shit. yes, we're best friends but i feel like i always say something that hurts you."
"joohyun... i hope you know that it's not because i have some issues with you, it's just i couldn't show or say my true emotion when you're around and that's what i hate the most. i despise myself. i always hide the true me." i paused, "i love you so much as a lady but i can't say it to you face to face and heart to heart."
"i don't know but i always have this feeling that you'll just reject me and that's why i'm afraid to reveal it. i'm such a loser, i know. but are you willing to come back here and start over?" i asked, hoping that i'll get an answer.
but once i realized that i was just talking to the wind, i laughed bitterly.
"ha, what i'm doing right now is absolutely useless. you're not here, you aren't able to answer me. how pathetic, taehyung."
i turn my heel and start to walk. the bone-chilling breeze made its way to my exposed skin and i felt the shiver down my spine. great. the environment makes me feel sick and depressed even more.
"why am i like this? i know that it's my fault from the start but why am i suffering?"
shame on me. but whatever, this pain what i'm feeling right now will go away soon. right?
