My best friend's brother

"Your mother has cancer Conrad"

I felt how the air in my lungs suddenly went away, it was like someone just punched me in the stomach. The air was replaced with butterflies and a slight feeling of nausea, the good kind. I'd been waiting for this moment since I had my braces on. It sounded kind of stupid in my head, but I was saving my first kiss for him. I was the only freshman in the entire school who had virgin lips, and honestly I wasn't feeling the urge to have it. Funny how I was more of a sweaty hand relationship girl when everyone was just going for the "Fuck her and leave her" technique.

Marianne fell for it sometimes, she usually got drunk at 8/10 parties we went and she did not get slightly drunk, she got "let's make friends and make out with the mirror" kind of drunk. By 11 o'clock I would be holding her hair, at 11:15 my fingers would be barfed all over, and by 12 I would take the depressed drunk version of my friend home.

"I love you so much, you know that right?" said Marianne with a lost look, she had slightly red eyes and wasn't able to focus on me. I laid her down in my bed and nodded. I flooded her in perfume to hide the smell of alcohol, my mom didn't notice how drunk she was because I had the forbid Marianne to talk in the car, we had to keep her clueless.

"I feel so worthless" she said. Usually she was hilarious, and always made it fun to be alive, but that was when she was sober, when she was drunk well it was a whole different story.

She hugged my pillow "I truly believe that a dirty Kleenex is worth more than me." her expression was empty.

I sat next to her "Don't say that".

She looked at me like she was about to drop the biggest truth bomb on me "I know you're my friend, but you can't keep me from knowing the kind of mess I am. You're the only person who is still standing by me and look what it takes to be with me. Aren't you tired? Don't you wanna have normal Friday nights?. You might as well just leave me now, just like everyone does. Like my brother did, like all the guys do and like you probably will. I know I'm going to die alone anyways".

I smiled at her, I loved her so much. "Look, what you did today wasn't right but this doesn't define you. Losing your virginity doesn't change the fact that you're the kindest person I know, it doesn't change that you will always be the first person I wanna talk to when something happens to me, and it will never change the fact that you're the sister I never had.I love you, and by now you should know that it will take more than many wasted nights and many guys to get rid of me, besides what would be the fun on having normal friends if I can't have my best friend my side."

We hugged and fell asleep.

I continued to take care of her at parties, she started sleeping with more guys than before which didn't make our sleepovers really different from the first time she did it.

Of course that left me with no option but being the responsible one, it's not like I didn't have fun, I usually did until 11 hit, then the routine would start. I definitely did not have as much fun as Marianne had. Which means, I was faithful to Jimmy even before we were anything at all, as ridiculous as it sounds.

We were still at the janitor's closet, it was hard to look at her since it was a little dark.

"I swear if this is a sick joke.."

"Do you really think I would joke with something as serious as this?" I notice the happiness and excitement in her voice. She was as excited as I was. She knew how much he meant to me.

"Wait how do you know?"

"Ian might have mentioned the party and he might have slipped the small detail that James had a crush on you, and I may or may not have convinced him make sure to encourage James to have the balls ask you out."