Shutter [Jonathan Byers] Stranger Things I

XXII: Regret

re·gret

verb

a feeling of sadness, repentance, or disappointment over something that has happened or been done.

The alcohol in the cup made her head spin and her stomach churn; it tasted as vile as she expected it to and all she could think of as the carbonation hit the back of her throat was that it was this drink that killed her mother. Her mother didn't drink other than the occasional glass of wine, but she too avoided it. Now Emilia, being faced with peer pressure and social expectations at parties, was being told that drinking was so cool. It wasn't the fact she was underage, had her mother not been killed by a drunk driver she probably would have been at this party having a little more fun.

She would have been wearing something a little more revealing, she would have been enjoying herself more. Maybe with someone else, someone other than him. With an arm slung around her shoulders, she felt the weight pressing down on her. It was not only body weight, but the weight of peer pressure as she was encouraged by him and his friends to drink more. Two more red Solo cups of beer and she was feeling dizzy.

"I don't feel so good," Emilia stated. She was functional and coherent, but she wanted to leave. She wanted to go home, and pretending to be close to vomiting was a good way to do that. She'd thought.

"Why don't we go inside?" He suggested.

She shook her head, "Fresh air..."

"We'll get you some water."

She didn't need water, she needed something to soak up the sickening feeling inside of her. She wasn't going to vomit because of the beer, though, and no bread or crackers could soak up that twisted feeling inside of her that was something broken. So instead of getting a ride home, which is what she really wanted, she was being led towards the house. But first they stopped at the large fire raging beside her, it dwarfed the fire that should have been burning within her. She should have stood up for herself and stated what she wanted and didn't want, but she just wanted to be the normal girl.

Not the girl with the dead mum.

He stood and chatted among friends, people whom Emilia didn't know the names of, people whom Emilia wouldn't be able to look in the eye the next day, or the next week when school started again. She'd be in her tenth year by then. Holding a half full red Solo cup that she wasn't sure how it got in her hands, she stared down at the white foam. Beside her the fire flickered and made the foam change colour, from dirty white to bright orange. The next thing she knew, he had his arm wrapped around her waist, guiding her towards the house.

She'd felt the eyes of someone, Carol, burning into her back the entire time.

As Emilia snapped back into reality, eating her lunch alone, she realized that Carol's eyes were burning into her once again.

She'd avoided Jonathan with ease the last few days; afraid of what he might learn, afraid of what he might say to her. Although they'd spoken here and there in Photography class, both of them avoided talking about what had happened that night. Jonathan didn't know what to say about it, or how to ask her if she was okay. Emilia wanted to pretend as though it hadn't happened; but she'd shown him that she was scared of something, and she simply didn't want him to find out. What she neglected to face was the fact that in a high school as small as Hawkins', every little secret was bound to be found out sooner or later.

Standing up in the cafeteria, Emilia gripped her tray until her knuckles grew white. She had to walk past Carol to get to the counter where the garbage and the trays went. Carol's eyes burned into her skin the entire time, but not with anger or rage. Emilia sensed some jealousy, but quickly told herself that was no the case. No one had any reason to be jealous of Emilia.

"Hey, Em," Carol squealed with laughter. "A little bird told me that you were dating the creep."

Emilia kept walking; ten more meters and she'd be there. She could toss her garbage away and leave the cafeteria. She shouldn't have even come into the cafeteria, but she'd forgotten to pack a lunch and was forced to buy some of the awful salads and puddings they sold here. It'd be enough until she got home, and as she knew, there was always dinner in the fridge at home. A faint smile danced onto her lips, and Carol saw it.

"So it's true!" She spun around on the bench and crossed her legs. "Has he seen them yet?"

"Carol..." A brunette who was fresh to the group cautioned, "Maybe you should leave her alone."

"Oh, Nancy, sweetie," Carol said in a sing-song voice, but said nothing more to her. It was her eyes that told Nancy -whom Emilia recalled was Nancy Wheeler, sister of Mike, friend of Will- that she better butt out of her business. Carol was vicious, and Nancy was your typical girl next door. But for how long? Carol was relentless. "Emilia, you didn't answer me."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Emilia mumbled. Why did she even reply?

"Oh, I think you do," Carol snickered, "I think I recall the phrase, 'I should have kept the lights off' –"

"Carol," Nancy warned again, this time her voice was stronger. "Leave her alone."

Carol scoffed, "Nancy, you're such a goody-two shoes. We're just having a little fun reminiscing, right Em?"

But by then Emilia was gone. The tray slammed against the stack of them, clattering to the ground, but she left it there for someone else to clean up. Regret bubbled up along with the memories of it all as Emilia stormed out of the cafeteria, knowing too well that all eyes were upon her. Eyes filled with tears, Emilia rushed out through the double doors and ran directly into someone. Bones and flesh smacked against one another and Emilia cried out in slight pain, only to realize that she'd run right into Jonathan.

"Hey, Emilia, are you alright?" Jonathan asked.

"No!" Emilia wiped her eyes before the tears could fall and considered it a win. "No, I'm not alright, Jonathan. I- I thought everything was going to start getting better but it's not!"

"Please, please talk to me," his big brown eyes bore into her blue ones. A pleading look that crossed his eyes had been revealed to her before, and she knew that she couldn't keep pushing Jonathan away. Maybe he wouldn't be disgusted if he knew what she'd done, and what she looked like underneath her clothing. His next words were enough to make her calm down, a power that Jonathan seemed to have. "You've always been on and off like a total wild card, and I know it's because something is bothering you. It'll never get fixed if you don't talk to someone about it. It doesn't have to be me. If-if I did something to bother or upset you the other night, just tell me and I'll never bother you again. But I can't watch you crumble and not do anything about it. Let me help you, Emilia."

"Can... Can we go for a drive?" She asked, even though it meant skipping class. What was one or two classes?

"Of course we can," he placed his hands tentatively upon her shoulders and then released her. "Come on."

She took his hand. 

So originally I wanted to keep my own storyline for 40 chapters, but I'm going to start integrating the show into this story sooner than anticipated. No harm in having my own storyline blend with the show, and I'd like to get into the creepiness soon! Also, I watched Shut In yesterday (Charlie Heaton, Naomi Watts, Jacob Tremblay, Oliver Platt) and it wasn't half bad. 

What's the best movie you've ever seen, and what is the worst movie you've ever seen? 

My favourite movie is a tie between Donnie Darko and Mad Max: Fury Road (I have a Mad Max tattoo :O). Worst movie I've ever seen is Australian horror movie Damned by Dawn; let's just say I regret seeing it.