Gonna See If I Can't Unwind (South Park X Reader One Shots)

I'm Just Your Problem - Wendy

You knew where she lived, and you weren't distant enough to forget already.

You had better know.

After all, if you caught the wrong window, you'd be dead as soon as your neighbor opened their mouth in front of your parents.

It was always cold in South Park, but you didn't even feel the frosty air in your t-shirt and jeans. Walking down the street, you stuck your hands in your pockets, admiring the quiet of your neighborhood at two in the morning.

Now, y'all readers might be thinking, Hey, how the hell did anything short of a bomb going off wake up (Y/n) that early? And because you are such a generous fourth wall breaker, you decide to answer: You fucking dimwits. I stayed up this late.

And of course, you had no real reason to be creeping around towards your ex's house at two in the morning than blackmail via the carrier raven - shout it with me in your best Gwen Stefani voice: THIS SHIT IS CARTMAN'S FAULT! C-A-R-T-M-A-N!

In the middle of one of your Stick of Truth games, Stan had recieved word that Wendy had broken up with him yet again (which felt like a sucker punch to the stomach, you hadn't even realized they'd gotten back together). The big idiot had fallen facefirst into a muddy puddle and had pretty much rendered himself an emotional quadriplegic, a mess that couldn't walk or exert energy for any use other than shoveling ice cream into his mouth and pressing the shuffle button to play depressing music as he rocked back and forth silently in the corner to the sound of broken hearts and gullible douchebags.

Fucking basket case.

If it were up to you, you would have slapped Stan across the face and told him to stop being such a bitch, to get the fuck over Wendy (preferably without mentioning how if you could do it and be fine, then he could, too - for Wendy's closeted sake, not yours, even though you were not remotely fine, you basically came from the Dean Winchester School of Dealing With Feelings). But Cartman had grown tired of the endless victories the Kingdom of Kupa Keep had earned, and, in his own nasally, annoying words, "wanted a challenge" (which, of course, the Grand Wizard wouldn't get without the Elves' strongest warrior).

Why this was secret news, you had no idea. You didn't really give a fuck, either. That is, until you found out Cartman had some dirt on you that he would spread across the school if you didn't carry out the plan.

What was the plan? The plan was for you to break into the Testaburgers' house, specifically Wendy's bedroom, and ask her to get back together with Stan so that he would be the best warrior again. There was a catch, however. You couldn't tell Wendy anything "secret" about the Kingdom.

It was a shit plan, which was why you both hated and admired Cartman's foresight to blackmail you instead of asking politely.

Sighing, you strolled onto Wendy's lawn. Standing in front of a tree that you knew well, one that had a heart with your initials engraved in the wood. You stared at the ground, feeling your tear ducts close abruptly and saline liquid welling up in your eyes.

Let's get this over with, you thought, climbing the tree that had a branch a few feet away from her window.

The climb just barely scratched your knees through your ripped jeans and the palms of your hands. It didn't hurt nearly as much as when you broke up with her, really.