is there a light in me? (EDITING)

Dear Diary

so...yeah. This'll just be a small chapter to see Amy's point of view at the moment. :)

Amy's POV 

Dear Diary

I know he isn't my real father, but down here, he is everyone's father. He is what we all look up to, the person we all are supposed to love. Even Clara loves him. But I don't. It is supposed to be programed in my brain since I was born, to love the Devil. But I think the human part must have taken over that, just like it took over demons lust for blood and death. They were trying to train me to use the demonic power I had, but it just wasn't working. Each time I failed, I thought he was going to hit me, hard. I thought he was going to dispose of me. But he just looks at me, his face impassive, and tells me to leave for the day. The rest of my day is trying to figure out the ways of demons. Demon. It's funny how before that word itself used to disgust me, but now that I know it's part of what I am, it's not so bad anymore. 

Demons are supposed to be evil. But I don't feel evil. I just feel like me.

So far, I've learned a lot. I've learned how to speak demon. That is the only progress I've made here, understanding the garble that comes out of their mouths. 

Demons are funny-looking creatures. They just float in mid-air, with a long tail that moves them around. Their body's are round, with a mouth stretching from corner to corner. They don't have eyes, they can sense everything around them, and their noses, two holes above their mouth, can pick up smells from over 100 metres away. Their tongues are black as ink, same with their skin. The only thing that's white are their teeth.

Demons don't have minds. They just remember what a higher person commands them to do. That's why I can command most demons to do my bidding. I'm pretty high up in the ranks of the evil.  So sometimes, for fun, I command the demons to get me random things, just to see where they get it. I have quite the collection in what's supposed to be my room. That's where I got you, Diary.

Hell is weird. I thought it would be like a cave with a pit of fire in the middle, but it's not. It's mostly like you're forever floating around in fuzzy grey stuff. You know when you close your eyes and press on them with your fingers? It looks sort of like that, but lighter. 

The Devil also surprised me. I still haven't seen what he looks like. He's formless, shapeless, and yet you know he's there, right in front of you. You can see clearly the expressions on a face, though to explain the face, you can't. It's almost like he's sending you his mood.

Oh Diary, I miss Alex. I miss him so badly. Since my father died, no one's cared for me as much as he has. No one's been so kind, so nice. He knew exactly what I needed when I needed it. Maybe that's just part of being an angel, I don't know. But he'll always be in my heart. I love him. I know we haven't even kissed, though I'm as sure as Juliet when I say I love Alex, my Romeo. I pray that a demon kills him so that I won't have to. 

I've heard talks of an ambush on the angels. They've figured out a way to get around the "angel has to kill another angel" thing. They're planning to attack soon, and they want me ready for battle. I don't want to go to war. I know that Hell will win. There's no chance that good will defeat evil this time, no chance.

And the worst part is no one will be able to escape. Even in Death, you'll still feel the wrath of the Devil.

I'm scared. I'm always scared. I know that technically I'm not alive anymore, but I'm still scared for my life. And I'm scared for Alex's.

-Amy